Who's Responsible...?

In yesterday's RedEye, there is an article about living with HIV. The story revolves around Reginald Davis, a 24-year old African-American who tested positive for HIV in October 2006. He claims in the article that he began having sex with men in his teens, and started yearly HIV testing when he was 17. He says he used condoms "most of the time." When he contracted the disease, he was shocked, saying, "In my mind, it just was something that does not happen to me." He said he "felt like the walking dead" when he learned of his diagnosis.

Davis says he knew what HIV was "in theory," that HIV was not taught in sex education in his public high school and he "didn't feel he could talk to anyone, given the stigma against homosexuality in the black community." Precisely, what does "in theory" mean? A theory is a proposed explanation whose status is still conjectural, in contrast to well-established propositions that are regarded as fact. To say that he knew of HIV "in theory" means, to me, he knew of HIV but regarded it as non-fact, or something that had no basis in his life. As a gay man, this is pure and simple blindness, or, more to the point, escaping actual responsibility for his actions, which led to the HIV infection.

Seems to me that Mr. Davis needs some counselling, as he is placing blame for his HIV status on a multitude of other factors - except himself.

In December of 1991, I went to have my twice-annual HIV test at the local clinic. Due to the holiday season, I had to wait nearly a month for my test results to come back, and on January 19, 1992 - a date burned into my memory - I learned that I had tested positive for HIV. In the time between test and result, I stewed and worried and cried and fretted about what the potential outcome. I had, after all, a 50/50 chance. I resigned myself to the worst possible scenario, and, lo and behold, my fears came to fruition.

I immediately called my family and informed them of the news. My sister cried, but my parents were supportive, asking questions and taking an interest. Since I was already in counselling, I added this new wrinkle.

And, here I am, nearly 16 years later.

I suggest to Mr. Davis to get some professional help. HIV has become a manageable disease; it's no longer a death sentence. Stop blaming the school system (always an easy target), the community, and everyone and everything within pointing distance. Get in front of a mirror and confront the one person who is responsible for your predicament - YOURSELF! No one held a gun to your head during your sexual escapades and forced you to have unprotected sex - at least I hope not! You knew full well what you were doing, and, as an adult, you must own your badge of responsibility. If not, finger pointing is not going to resolve your emotional issues. Buck up, dude. It isn't the end of the world, unless you want it to be.

Over the course of the past twenty years, I have attended the funerals of young men cut down in their prime - handsome, talented, gorgeous men. It was needless and wasteful. My best friend, unable to deal with the stigma of his HIV status, took his life in 1995 - a devastating blow to myself and other friends and family. To this day, I visit his grave twice a year to commiserate. But, I am still here...

Things now are so much different on the medical front than even ten years ago. I suggest Mr. Davis channel his energy into finding ways to improve his life rather than dwelling on who is to blame for his situation. Shifting blame is a HUGE waste of time, and gets a person no where, especially when the blame is inevitably sitting in one's own lap. Become a survivor - not a victim.

The choice is yours...