Christmas Wishes

Today is Christmas morning, and I have been thinking about the gifts I would like to receive. Herewith are some thoughts:

• Madonna will finally hold a press conference to inform the world that she is retiring and therefore holding her last press conference. And she stays out of the public spotlight until her funeral.
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will be abducted by the alien warlord that is the symbol of the Scientology cult and taken to a planet far away from Earth where Tom can finally be an out homosexual and Katie can have birth more demon-spawn siblings for the hideously deformed Suri.
• Robert Pattinson, Taylor Kitsch, Ian Sommerhalder, Milo Ventimiglia, David Archuletta, and Cam Gigandet start doing gay porn
• Britney Spears and her family, including her knuckle-dragging father, slattern mother and sister-whore, Jamie-Lynne all meet at a restaurant in Redneckville, Arkansas and are arrested for public incestuous fornication. The judge so orders that they be locked up forever with no chance for release.
• Alicia Keyes, Leona Lewis, Mariah Carey and all the other rotten pop tarts who cannot hold a tune get a medical procedure that prevents them from ever singing another note.
• George W. Bush is murdered by Laura Bush - just like the guy she murdered a few decades ago. And then, in a fit of rage, Laura takes out her drunken, drug-addict daughters, the Cheney family and Condoleezza Rice while attending the gay marriage of Alberto Gonzalez to a seven year old boy - whom she also kills before committing suicide.
• Lindsey Lohan and her man-friend, Samantha Ronson are thrown out of every club in the United States and the motion picture industry as well.
• Angelina Jolie's lips finally explode.
• Sarah Palin and her family - all 4,000 kids and her husband - are swallowed whole by a massive crevice in the Alaskan wilderness, never to be heard from again.
• Every Republican is exposed for the liars and cheats that they are.
• Joe Lieberman, BFF of John McCain, travels back to Israel and is shot dead before his feet hit the hallowed soil
• Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia finally drops dead.
• Paris Hilton, Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Nicole Ritchie, Amy Winehouse, P. Diddy, Kanye West, Jeb Bush, Kathleen Harris, Rudy Giulianni, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Cardinal George of Chicago, Rev. Jeremiah Wright and Rev. Michael Pflegger are all trampled or gored to death at the running of the bulls in Pamplona.
• Barak Obama reforms Washington to such a degree that there is no more political partisanship, and everyone works for the common good of the American people instead of stealing from us and lying to our faces.
• American Idol goes off the air and Ryan Seacrest is free to pursue his true dream of being a drag queen in a West Hollywood gay bar.
• Osama bin Laden is finally caught (since Bush refused to do it), and is vivisected on public television by the families of the 9/11 tragedy.
• Hannah Montana is cancelled, forcing Billy Ray Cyrus and Miley Cyrus to admit to a torrid incest affair and banishing themselves to the hills of Kentucky to raise their retarded offspring.
• The Jonas Brothers finally come out of the closet.
• Oprah balloons up in weight and explodes on the set of her show.
• Guy Ritchie tells an already suspicious public that Madonna is really a man.
• Hate-mongers like Rush Limbaugh, Hannity and Combs, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Larry Craig, the entire Bush family, Tucker Carlson, Donald Rumsfeld, the entire Cheney family, Nancy Grace, and Ann Coulter are rounded up and penned in an escape proof jail where they cannibalize each other.

Bits and Peaces...

Just some random things careening around in the brain:

Tom Cruise is releasing his Nazi propaganda film on Christmas day, and the buzz has been abysmal. The film's release date has changed more than Oprah's weight (more on her later), and the original ending - with Tommy actually executing Hitler in the bunker - was changed when test audiences cried foul. Altering historical fact is something only the Disney company can do. Not a closeted homo. Daily Variety says that the worst thing a studio can do is release a film at Christmas time glorifying the Nazi regime of World War II. Historically, this has been a coffin nail for films, and, with Tommy so desperate to change his image to an even tougher tough-guy, and because he covets the almighty Oscar, his studio, United Artists, which he co-owns with his sister, decided to do just that. So far, the reviews have been poor, but Tommy and his director Bryan Singer, have taken to the talk show circuit to make nice-nice and promote their film. I sincerely doubt this film will go anywhere. Cruise's bankability as a major star and box office draw has been severely crippled in the last few years with the couch-jumping (which he now says he shouldn't have done), his ripping Matt Lauer on live television (which he claims he did not think through), and his other antics (which a contrite Tommy says he feels he acted in an immature manner), and, of course, his distasteful marriage to the un-stellar Katie Holmes have made him a late-night talk show host punchline. And now the world may soon be besieged by a sequel to Top Gun, which Tommy says will be called Maverick. If you can't do something new, razzle-dazzle 'em with the same old shit and the unsuspecting public will never know the difference.

Oprah has been a back-burner story for a while now, and when the headlines were being gobbled up by bailouts and Obama appointments, she felt the need to share with the world that she has gained weight. WOW! This was one hell of a bombshell to unleash! Oprah and weight gain? Who would have ever put those two things together? And she cried for 32 minutes on her show and apologized to her audience and begged for their forgiveness. This news bite made headlines for nearly a fraction of a second until the next big (pun intended) story came around, and it involved another beloved Chicagoan.

Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested and now has a pall of corruption hanging over his head, yet he refuses to step down from his lofty position. He is a accused of, among other things, trying to sell the senate seat vacated by Barak Obama. And he had some takers, according to the FBI. Now, Blago refuses to give up his control, and lawmakers in Springfield have gathered daily to discuss and decide what to do, spending millions of taxpayer dollars. And it occurs to me that there must be someone who has to check the governor. There must be a balance to his outrageous wielding of power, and his abject refusal to relinquish it. Is there not someone who is above Blago who can tell him that he is fired or at least suspended until the investigation is over? Apparently not, since every talking head in Illinois is giving interviews and attending meetings and spending more and more taxpayer money while trying to figure out what to do about this narcissistic son of a bitch who is clearly a danger to the state. Instead, they keep meeting and meeting and meeting and meeting, and no one has offered any solution, except to decide on a special election that will cost taxpayers nearly $50 million. And the Illinois Supreme Court (a misnomer if I ever heard one) has ruled that they will not rule on this matter. So it boils down to this: Illinois has a governor who is unfit to govern, yet is still sitting pretty because there are too many other politicians who refuse to do the right thing and will spend more money while telling the constituency that they are all about saving money. Since the people elected Blago to his position, shouldn't we, as a body, have the right to oust this corrupt piece of garbage? But apparently, our opinions don't matter. After all, we the taxpayers supply only one function: supply more money. I hope, come the next election, the people of Illinois wise up and stop putting these wastrels and cheats back in office and get some real legislators to do some real work on behalf of the state instead of the same hacks and ne'er do wells who currently run things.

Madonna is never going to go away, I have determined. It seems the Material Whore either holds a press conference or issues a press release nearly every hour of every day. I think it has much to do with the fact that, as a fading, washed-up celebrity who is known more for her tabloid escapades than any true artistic endeavor, she feels that she needs to share things with the rest of the world on a daily basis. I have come to the conclusion that Madge the Vadge is actually releasing pages from her diary instead. Last week she gushed to the Mexican press about her love for A-Rod, a baseball player whom I think is quite ugly. At a concert performance in Mexico, she even brought him up on stage and professed her love for this man, while the audience booed and hissed. The next day, A-Rod issued a press statement saying that he and Esther are only friends and that is all. The next day, Maddie, apparently unhappy with someone else issuing press releases, issued one of her own, saying that A-Rod is the love of her life. Then days later, she issues another press statement asking the press to back off of her doomed marriage to Guy Ritchie, and that details of their divorce are personal and confidential. Two days later, she releases the terms of the divorce - how much she gets to keep and how much she has to give him. WOW! Madge must have one busy publicist! And it makes sense: Madonna is over 50 years old now and her fan base has shrunk to down to a handful of old leather queens who long for the good old days, while any young fans are leaving in droves for the newer pastures of Leona Lewis (a dubiously talented shrill), and Katy Perry (an Amy Winehouse wanna-be). This is a huge threat to the aging Madge, who still sees herself as a young and vibrant force of nature. Sadly, the only thing she can really look forward to is the number of drag queens who can continue to lip sync her tired old songs while parading around a stage in fishnet stockings and a pink Members Only jacket. A true artist would seek a way to come back with a more mature sound, a more adult look. But not Vag-donna. She is gonna force her wrinkled old saggy ass in our faces until she dies. I hope it's soon.

All the fags are upset that Rev. Rick Warren - an immensely overweight redneck bigot ass wipe minister - will be giving the inauguration prayer at Obama's inauguration ceremony in January. Now, I think Warren is a huge mistake to begin with, and I have seen and heard his hate rhetoric in video clips on the Internet, and I really don't care to hear him, but I find it very difficult to believe that a prayer should be given at a political event. I thought there was a Constitutional clause about separation of church and state? Did someone neglect to tell Obama? Or does he have a different Constitution? I loathe the idea that someone will be giving a prayer. Prayer has no place in the political arena, just like Jerry Fallwell and Pat Robertson and Pat Buchanan have no place in Washington. There is no reason for Obama to have done this other than to share the truth about himself with America - that he has no regard for our Constitution. He and his family can have Warren pray and anoint them after the ceremony, in the privacy of their own home, but not to foist their religious beliefs down America's throat. It's setting a bad precedent, one I hope is a solitary one, and not a sign of more to come. With Obama doing this, are we not just a short hop away from a goose-stepping military?

Food for thought.

Just Go Away!

There are any number of celebrities and public figures who have made themselves quite the nuisance within the media. You know the ones - the aging diva who's fan base dissolved twenty years ago; the politician who cannot get enough of her own image on television; the washed up tweener movie star who prefers to be drunk in public. A friend of mine once said that when a celebrity's public antics and constant need for media attention overshadows their art, then that celebrity should step out of the spotlight and just disappear from public life forever, or at least until they can find a reasonable way back - after a long duration of invisibility - to regain the public's trust/empathy/love.

Herewith, I present a list of celebrities and other notables who have abused their time in the limelight with their absurd activities and other humiliations.

• Madonna - Now into her fifties, this badly aging drag queen still struts around in public in fishnet stockings and Member's Only jacket, desperately trying to maintain her tenuous grasp on the remaining fans she has left. Her recent concert appearance in Chicago was critically panned, considering 85% of the show was lip-synced and the crowd was as anemic as a seventh-grade girl. And now her continuous press revelations regarding her failed marriage to British/homosexual Guy Ritchie. Madge/Vadge/Esther crowed recently in the press that she is the sole custodian of all the money the couple shared during their connubial bliss, and she will retain the three multi-colored children. Then she turns around and tells anyone who will listen that she is reaching out to her former husband, Sean Pen, because he is the only man she ever loved. What a sport, Maddie! A year ago you were on Oprah crying that the world didn't understand why you wanted to buy a black baby from Africa and that you were being treated unfairly. In reality, you treated the world unfairly by subjecting us to your horrible English accent (as forced and fake as a Jewish woman's orgasm), and then unleashed a dismal album of retro-junk. It's easy to see why you are so desperate to keep your name in the headlines - you're fan base has shrunk to a few drag queens who can still find outfits just like yours. And considering how putrid your songs and music have been the past decade and a half, Mad-Dog, the fags who do still worship you only do so because your repertoire is so easy to lip-sync - as well you should know.
• Lindsey Lohan - Pulling a public Anne Heche on the world, Lilo is now an avowed lesbian - not to be outdone by the same day revelation of another lezzie, Clay Aiken. And the girl that has been petting Lind's kitty? Samantha Ronson, a boozed-up, meth-addicted New York DJ who is famous now for being Lohan's girlfriend. Ronson is as ugly as a dog's butt, and it is apparent that she is so beyond washed up that she hitched her wagon to Lohan's falling star so she could get some ink in the tabs. And then Lilo gets fired from Ugly Betty because she is such a raging bitch that no one on the set can tolerate her or her antics. I wonder when Lind's will tire of the haggard Ronson and return to her first love - herself.
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes - Cruise wrote bogus reviews for Holmes recent Broadway debut, ranting and raving about how wonderful she is on stage and effusively bursting at the seams over her talent and stage presence. What a crock of shit! The real reviews said what Tommy didn't: Holmes is not a stage performer, and is not even a relatively good actress. And Tommy's own career is being steered by his sister/manager with a new movie coming out that has had so many release dates that it is any wonder the film even got made! And now, Tommy gets fired from his newest escapade and is replaced by Angelina Jolie. Tommy shows up at Katie's performances only to show how popular he is with the crowd outside the theatre, signing autographs and chatting with fans while Ms. Cruise stands by, looking as if she is in a waking coma, as no one asks for her signature.
• Sarah Palin - Now that she has seen herself on television, she has no intention of going away. Sarah loves the attention she gets now, and since the McCain folks are long gone, she can say "whatever the durn heck she wants ta say." Like Jesse Jackson, Palin will actively seek out any camera with a red light on it, and will say and do anything to keep her face in the public eye. Unfortunately, Sarah has yet to realize that the American public is done with her - her 15 minutes are up. But, as any former beauty queen will tell you, the pageant isn't over till the last diva is standing. And Palin, who was second runner up in the only pageant she placed, she is out to try to prove that she should be number one - no matter who gets hurt. And she has no intention of going away any time soon, especially since she is still a punchline on late night television.
• The cast of the Hills - These spoiled rich brats need to be shown how to do a day's honest work, since they all live off what mommy and daddy provide for them, and they're all ungrateful turds. Spencer Pratt is a slimy weasel of a shit and that girlfriend, Heidi, is nothing short of a ghetto whore. The other cast of shitballs are a bunch of whiny, spoiled babies who will be surprised the day they have to actually do something instead of plot and plan how to get revenge on each other. And MTV should be faulted for allowing this human detritus to show how ugly the children of the privileged really are. No amount of money can turn these reprobates into real human beings.
• The Jonas Brothers - Devoid of talent and any singing ability, these Disney boys have turned into quite a goldmine for their daddy, a minister, as the boys proclaim their love of God and country in all their ear-splitting songs. Two of the boys look like Jewish lapdogs with their curly hair and bulbous noses. The middle boy, the one with the straight hair, is so obviously gay, staring seductively at the camera and gyrating sensuously. These three boys are so incredibly untalented, but the idiotic junior high set loves them and their androgynous look and music. Their 15 minutes are over now that the braindead tweener set has moved on to the star of the movie Twilight. And the cylce begins again...

The "Go Away" List

Recently, my co-worker said he wanted nothing to do with Britney Spears and her new album, which took me by surprise, since he has been a hardcore fan from the beginning. He said that her personal antics and public humiliations have far outshone her art. This got me to thinking of others who have more ink in the gossip columns for their hi-jinks than for their artistic endeavors, and that these "celebrities" need to just go away. Henceforth, is my list (in no particular order) of these washed up artists:

• Madonna - Now over 50, she insists on parading around in public in fishnet stockings and a pink Member's Only jacket, schlepping her brood of miscolored kids around for the paparazzi to snap. And now that her very public divorce is finalizing, we get a glimpse of the true washed up hag that Madonna really is. For the better part of the past year she has been denying any involvement with Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod) the baseball player, yet in her divorce, she finally admitted to having a years long affair with him, and even made sure the paparazzo snapped pics of her white child Rocco wearing tons of New York Yankees clothes bought by A-Rod, right in the middle of the divorce. What a rotten mother you are, and a rotten person. You lied in public about something and denied it for months, and when the prospect of losing one penny of your vast fortune arose, you reiterated all that previous bullshit to save your own ass. I am surprised that George W. Bush didn't offer you a cabinet post, since clearly you are good at denial and lying to your fans. And what's with the rainbow of children. You have a white one, a brown one and a black one. You must soon be going for yellow...


• Lindsey Lohan - This little piece of shit is now more notorious in the tabloids than her film career has ever been. And now she's a lesbian. How very Anne Heche. And that girlfriend of hers, Samantha Ronson, looks like the last vestiges of her drug abuse are finally catching up with her. Lindsey couldn't even keep a job on the set of Ugly Betty, getting fired after only a few episodes. Stick to your new claim to fame, Lindsey: Keep other lesbians from dating the supremely fugley Samantha Ronson.


• Lauren Conrad and the cast of the Hills - a bunch of rich, bored kids with nothing to do but demean, debase and steal from each other. Spencer Pratt is a slimy disgusting creature who is all but hanging on Conrad for financial support. Have any of these degenerates ever worked for a living or has everything been handed to them by daddy and mummy? If any of them ever got out in the real world, they wouldn't last an hour. Go Away!


• Britney Spears - Recently, she told a British newspaper that she was dating the guy in her video "Womanizer." His name is Brandon Stoughton (sic?), and he is hot as fuck, but he's also a flaming homosexual. He is not interested in Britney in the least. And with all the other train wrecks that Brit has foisted upon us, it's no wonder she feels compelled to lie to the press to make herself look better. Who didn't see this coming?


• Michael Jackson - In and out of court and now sending creepy messages to Zac Efron. Telling Zac how much you like his movies, his hair and his eyes, and inviting him to visit you is just beyond creepy and sick. You are a pedophile, you sick son of a bitch! You got out of two trials because of your celebrity, but you didn't learn a thing did you? Next time you finger a child, you're going down, you filthy piece of plastic. Go Away Michael!


• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes - Now we find that Tommy has been writing bogus theater reviews of Katie in her stage debut, only that can't counter the otherwise dismal notices she is getting from real critics. And Tommy had her ousted from the set of Eli Stone, where Katie was supposed to make a several episode appearance, but was whittled down to one, since the producers couldn't stand for all the bullshit Tommy was throwing around on the set - demanding things and repositioning lights and shit. Tom Cruise is now a punchline for late night comedians and Katie Holmes is another actress with little to no future because of her stubby little husband. Guess all they can do is create more Stepford children like that butt-ugly Suri (who is NOT Cruise's child!)


• Amy Winehouse - For God's sake, why is this woman even allowed out in public? She is a drunken, drugged up mess. Put her in a jacket with sleeves that tie in the back and get her off the world stage before she finally dies of a massive drug overdose and falls on someone.


• Ellen Degeneres - After having the McCain's and the Bush daughters on her show, it is obvious that Ellen is not a true lesbian, and is subscribing to Republican ideals. By parading these types of guests on her show, and, in the case of the Bush's, crying on television because she can identify with the persecution their father is going through, is just a bogus attempt to secure more ratings. Ellen has become a shill for the RNC. Don't be surprised if she announces Sarah Palin as her new permanent co-host.


• Rosie O'Donnell - Having been off the air for a couple years now, Rosie has been very vocal when it comes to detailing her private life to anyone who would listen - and most people don't. She was fired from the View for being too militant lesbian, and has done nothing but complain and back stab anyone who she has ever worked with. Way to go, Rosie!


• The cast of Gossip Girl - Seems every time I turn around, one of these non-descript tweeners is in the press for one reason or another, either for their personal life, or to discuss the "issues" of the show. Chace Crawford has been dogged by rumors of his homosexuality for years before the show came on the air, and he seems to deny it as vehemently as Tom Cruise has done. The female members of the cast have all gone public with their fights on the set, and then kiss and make up in the press the very next day. I have watched the show once and will never do so again. It is horrible and sets a bad example for teens. Go Away!


• Halle Berry - A few years ago, she bitched about playing Storm in the X-Men films, yet she did it three times. She claimed that there are no good parts for black women in films and she has been demean

Letters

Dear Sarah Palin,

Wow! What an experience it was, eh? Seeing you up on those stages, parading around like the beauty queen you are, spouting hate rhetoric and race-baiting dialogue against your opponent, coming out of the gate at the RNC as a novelty and by the end, becoming a drag on the campaign. You started out so refreshing, and then we learned more and more of your personal life and your politics. Turns out you're not the person you want everyone to believe you are.

But it's over. And you can take your brood of misbegotten children and the "first dud" back to Elk Shit, Alaska, and begin plotting your next national move, which you have mentioned will be to run as president in 2012. Good luck. I think people saw through you the first time, with the ethics commission on "Troopergate," the $150,000 wardrobe, the diva behavior, the atrociousness of your underage daughter being pregnant, and so on. You'd do well to remain in your frozen tundra backyard and fix your own life before you try to get back out into the real world, dearie.

My guess is that you became so drunk on the power of the lights and stages, the cameras recording your every move, that you now believe you can become a national figure in politics. And with that kind of attitude, you may just succeed - look at Jesse Jackson. He's never met a camera he didn't pose for, just like you. And I do believe you have more to say, too. There are too many sinners out there that need to be exterminated from the United States - terrorists such as Jews, gays and - as you call black people - Negroes. The limelight was such an alluring spectacle for you and you probably had flashbacks of your beauty pageant days, but this time, not just competing in Moose Poop, Alaska, but all across the nation.

The next time we see you will be when Bristol-whore has her first child later this year, and then again in the summer when she marries the boy she picked out of a lineup of guys who may or may not be the father. By 2012, we can expect to see you when you parade across the stage at the RNC, your expanding family in tow, and lo, and behold, your youngest daughter is now pregnant. She should be about 15 or so by then, so it only makes sense that she should follow in her big sister's footsteps. What a great mother you turned out to be, eh?

Good luck to you, Sarah Palin. I fervently wish you would stay in Alaska, and leave the rest of the United States alone, because it became clear that you care only about yourself and would do your best to screw the rest of us.

Just like a Republican.

Levi Johnston

Levi Johnston, the intended betrothed of Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol, and suspected father of her unborn child, made public statements earlier this week, and qualified everything by saying he is not being told what to say, and that his upcoming nuptials are his idea, not the Palin's or anyone else's. The handsome stud-muffin looked like a deer in headlights, completely at the mercy of this conniving bitch he is soon to marry.

What a whopping load of bullshit.

That boy was forced to say every word during his press conference, all the while looking at his Blackberry to see what talking points he must address. Such a shame, since, timeline-wise, the baby may not be his. Seems he was dating another girl, according to his since pulled My Space page, which he claims was a joke set up by friends, and he had nothing to do with it. Ironically, just days before the pregnancy story broke, he had updated it. Or was this also his friends? Hard to tell at this point with the whirlwind of lies surrounding this dubious pregnancy. Bristol-whore was pulled out of school around the time she got preggers, and Mamma and Pappa Palin refused to give the school a reason as to the abrupt removal. Could she have been impregnated by someone else, since Levi had already moved on to a new girlfriend, and was considered the town stud and hottest guy on campus? Did Bristol-whore pick him specifically since she had at least offered her pussy to him in the past and just assumed that he was one of the many who probably/maybe/likely/possibly could have done the seed deed?

My opinion is that Bristol-whore had no idea who the real father was (Maury Povitch should be all over this one...) and she chose Levi Johnston since he is the school's macho man, and she figured he's make a good daddy to her growing brood of kids.

And Levi dropped out of high-school to devote time to his pregnant unwed "girlfriend" and take a job with her daddy at the oil company Todd Palin works for. Nepotism? Surely not, since the wedding isn't even scheduled until about six months after the brat is born, making it an illegitimate child, and Bristol-whore another statistic for the record books. But Heaven forfend should she have an abortion, the one thing her Mamma has made a particular platform of her prior campaigns in Alaska.

The whole thing is just too put together - to clean. It makes no sense that a hot stud like Levi would even have sex with a dowdy housefrau like Bristol-whore. She looks like a bag of wet hay.

After Palin loses the bid for vice-president, the whole Palin family will go back to its Alaskan igloo and little will be heard from them for a few years, until Sarah runs for president in 2012, which she has said she will do, and when the baby is born it will be all over the news for a few minutes, and then the wedding will be a minor summer event when news is slow that day. Soon, most American's will forget the Palin's ever existed. And that is just the way it should be.

However, the New York Times gives the marriage of Levi Johnston and Bristol-whore Palin less than two years. I say that's about right, since it will be discovered that the baby is NOT his and she was having multiple affairs with her meth supplier and drug dealer. Then, when Levi is crushed and needs consoling, he can come over to my house and I will help his hotness through the pain by keeping his dick hard and out of her dirty twat.

What Does Sarah Palin Stand For?

I have been wondering what, exactly, Sarah Palin stands for - what her platforms are in the race for the White House. I have yet to hear anything relevant. So far, she has spent an inordinate amount of time sequestered away by the McCain campaign, away from interviews and paparazzi, away from anyone who might unintentionally get a soundbite of the Governor. After the Katie Couric interviews, the press was relegated to a six-block distance from Palin, keeping her even more isolated and away from public scrutiny.

She has also canceled all her upcoming interviews after the Couric debacle.

Palin says she is against Big Oil, yet her husband works for the largest oil company in the world, BP, and she supports drilling in the ANWR area. So is she for or against Big Oil? There seems to be a conflict of interest here. She cannot possibly be against the company that pays her husband a seven figure income, and allows him to spend alot of time racing snowmobiles and hunting. Yet she keeps saying how much against Big Oil she is. Todd Palin enjoys a hefty paycheck from BP and perks galore, so that cannot be it. It's also known that if the drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve happens, the Palin's stand to receive a substantial reward for allowing BP to be the first - and only - oil company to drill there.

So, is she against Big Oil - or for the sizable sum she will receive from Big Oil?

Palin says she is tolerant of gay rights, yet she has gone on record saying that gays and lesbians "... hide in the shadows that God abhors..." She was caught unawares during the debate and danced around the issue, finally declaring that she supports gay and lesbian couples sharing hospital visitation rights and benefits. That's it. In a Newsweek interview a couple weeks ago, she stated that "... gays, Jews and other demons will burn in an eternal fire upon the earth, while she and her family will be lifted toward the heavens to sing with God..." Disturbing, to say the least, especially since she believes that we are living in the time of the Book of Revelations. A hardcore religious fanatic that believes only those who do as she says will be rewarded in the eternal end, and all others will suffer the punishment of her vengeful and hateful God. Also, I read that she has a gay brother who is kept far, far away from her and her family, but for the first time ever, she referred to him during the debate, saying she loved him. That's it. Nothing more. I understand that her brother has been disowned by the Heath family and is not welcome in the Palin household.

So far, Sarah Palin has gone across this country bashing Barak Obama and saying little else. She has taken it as her task to make him look like a foreigner and to agitate racial prejudice and hatred by referring to him as Muslim (he is NOT), and constantly mentioning his unfortunate middle name of Hussein. In every televised appearance, she continues to berate the other candidates, yet never says where she stands on ANY position, except those mentioned above. What does she think of the economy other than McCain has a way to fix it? What about education? We all know she wants creationism taught in public schools, and that certain books should be banned, but what about the education of those less fortunate than her own children who live in a mansion and have a daddy that provides more than a million dollar income per year? We know how she feels about teen pregnancy - every child who is pregnant with a child must carry that child to term - NO MATTER WHAT! We know she is unethical - look at the unfolding of Troopergate, wherein she and her husband (who has no business running the state since he was not elected) pressured and then fired someone for not bowing to her whims. She claims to be about reform of bad government, yet she embodies that worst traits of that which she publicly claims to want to reform.

And then there's all the hate rhetoric - pointing to Obama as a foreigner and outsider since he is black and lived abroad for a portion of his life. She is intentionally trying to race-bait and incite xenophobia, but that is to be expected since she has little else to say. It is obvious that the McCain campaign is using her to say the disgusting, hate-filled things that McCain doesn't want to sully his own tongue with, making her look like a "regular American," spewing lies while dodging the important issue of what she really stands for.

I have come to the conclusion that she stands for herself. Sarah Palin. To get ahead in government, and show how detestable the Republicans can be. You're not a pitbull, Sarah - you're a lapdog, wagging your tail and doing all the tricks in public to garner favor for your master, the old dude who is near death, and his plastic Barbie wife. You have no agenda of your own until you are told what agenda to have by your white owner. You are a slave to your master. And by keeping sequestered and not being honest with the public, you are doing a great service to the Republican regime. Just like they wanted.

Sarah Palin is a shill - a sellout who thinks she is riding a magic carpet to the White House, along with her husband, First Dude, and her brood of Stepford children. Also, I wonder why she keeps posing for pictures with her family, using them for every photo-op while maintaining a moratorium on the press when talking about her family.

I guess that hefty check from BP will pay for the wedding of Bristol and her hot boyfriend (who has declared that he does NOT want to get married to this obvious whore).

Just one thing, Sarah. The American people, although intrigued by you in the beginning, have seen through you and discovered that you and your family are not like the rest of us. Your trip to the White House is hereby canceled. Your chances of getting in are slimmer by each passing day.

Good luck back in Moose Spit, Alaska.

Random Thoughts...

Just some stuff rumbling around in my head...

1.) O.J. Simpson is going to jail. FINALLY! He murdered his wife and her boyfriend, got off by being a rich celebrity, and roamed the world with a cocky attitude, playing golf and believing himself to be above the law. Funny how that works.

2.) Sarah Palin is NOT qualified to run a Diary Queen let alone the United States. I am still amazed at how many people keep saying they are voting for her - as if John McCain doesn't even exist. But now, Sarah-cuda's luster has faded and coming to light is her many double dealings, poor treatment of those who bucked her, and the attitude that just because she is a woman, we should forgive her her trespasses. Not fucking likely.

3.) A story on the local Fox affiliate here in Chicago was about hockey mom's in the suburbs who are for Palin and her style of politics. The women interviewed, all claiming kinship with Palin, are voting for her in the upcoming election. They all - each and every one of them - claimed that raising a hockey playing child was the most difficult challenge any parent could undertake, with bruising and bandaging and blood on occasion. The mothers all say that only Palin can identify with their heartache and backbreaking chore of raising a hockey player - as if having a special needs baby is a cakewalk - and that a vote for a "real American" is the only way to go. What a crock of shit.

4.) Clay Aiken is gay. Who didn't see that coming? And, he's a born-again Christian. Doesn't that mean he has hate himself. Even more than he obviously does already? Guess the spotlight had turned away from him for too long and he decided it was time to do something drastic. Hope all the blue-haired old ladies in his audience still thing "gay" means "happy."

5.) I have no interest in network television any longer. The prime time shows are derivative and blase. I loved Desperate Housewives for the first year or two and then the show descended so quickly, my head was spinning. After the tornado finale last year, I quit entirely, hoping it would just go away. I took it off my DVR permanently. Besides, a blurb in the TVGuide about Gale Harrold joining the cast as a boy-toy for Teri Hatcher completely glossed over his five years as Brian on Queer as Folk, mentioning only his recent stint on the quickly-canceled Kidnapped. Guess he's trying to back away from that role as far as possible, and he's been very vocal about not having had a good time on QAF, that it ruined his career, yadda, yadda, yadda. Then why stay with it for five years, you fucking dickhead?

6.) Saw the Jonas Brothers for the first time on Dancing With the Stars (a dubious title at best) and was surprised at how bad they are. I know the Disney machine pumps out cardboard cutout personalities as quick as the last one faded, but these kids are quite poor in both the singing and the air guitar departments. With the huge band behind them, it was plainly obvious that two of the brothers (the Jewish looking, curly haired ones), were NOT actually playing instruments. The taller, flat haired brother - the singer- who is an absolute dreamboat, sang in the trademark Nsync, Backstreet Boys, New Kids style of falsetto mixed with a slight growl to make sure everyone knows he's a rough boy. Can't wait till this 15 minutes is over, though the singer brother is welcome to my bed any time.

7.) Something is confusing me: Why does Sarah Palin keep saying she is against Big Oil when her husband works for Big Oil? Makes no sense to me, but then again, I am not a lying, cheating politician. What I have been able to glean is that she wants the American voters to believe that she wants no Big Oil, but she is not about to see her husband out of a job, since, according to Newsweek, he brings in an annual salary of $1.8 million. And if Palin gets her way and drilling is allowed in the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve, BP, Todd Palin's bosses, will get the contract, guaranteeing Todd Palin a new salary of over $5 million a year, and a bonus of upwards of $12 million. Sounds like politics as usual in the Palin household - lie, cheat and steal.

8.) Sad about Paul Newman. A great actor and a good man. And we're left with the detritus of life such as Michael Jackson and Nicole Ritchie.

9.) ABC Evening news is so skewed to a Republican viewpoint, even though they have George Stephanopolous (sic?) as a pundit. Charles Gibson is such a weiner, never having been any deeper than a dish of water. He's more like a Ron Burgundy than a Peter Jennings. And every night they profile a soldier in Iraq, and every profile is one of "courage, determination, and a will to survive..." Since Disney owns the station, I am surprised they don't have televised lynchings of anyone who doesn't agree with their Nazi-esque philosophy.

10.) Oprah makes me sick. I cannot stand this fat-assed guru of self-help. She's richer than any woman on the planet - except Cindy McCain - and flaunts her richness across the world. If you subscribe to the Oprah Philosophy, you probably buy all her books, movies, etc. and do everything she tells you. And you're still not as rich as Oprah is, are you? Again, she makes me sick.

Not the First

I am amazed at the Republican's continual assertion that vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin is a miracle woman, since she has been able to raise a family and have a career. One post even said that Palin is the "first mother of five" with a career in politics. Doesn't Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi have five kids?

Palin is NOT the first woman to do these things. She's not even the first vice-presidential nominee to do so. That honor belongs to Geraldine Ferraro, who had kids and a career while Palin was still in high-school. Palin, is, however, the first Republican woman to be allowed to have a job and kids. Most Republican women eschew work for the life of leisure that their trust funds afford.

I also noticed that Sarah Palin campaigns side-by-side with Maverick McCain, while Obama and Biden campaign separately, covering more territory. The McCain controllers are afraid to let little Sarah out of their sights for fear that the "evil liberal" media will get her and chew her to bits.

Don't believe the hype, people. Learn for yourselves what the truth is, and make an informed decision. Check the candidates' voting records, weed out the fact from the fiction from the fantastic (Obama is NOT a Muslim, Palin tried to ban library books, etc.).

And, by all that is holy, stop giving airtime to the blowhard pundits and talking heads that pass for "commentators." 99% of these bozo dip-shits are in the pockets of a particular party or lobbying group. Tune them out and form your own opinion based on study, hard facts and clear thinking. Maybe with all of us together, we can take the back the "people" portion of our Declaration of Independence that George W. Bush has effectively destroyed.

Vagina Vote

I have come to the conclusion that women are incredibly stupid creatures. In the past week, I have talked to many women, professionals and service industry folks, who say they are voting for Sarah Palin.

I correct them and say they will be voting for John McCain.

The women, in turn, correct me, saying they are voting for Sarah Palin.

I have determined that women are voting for the vagina, hence what I am now calling the Vagina Vote. A vote for Sarah Palin simply because she is a woman is the reason many of these women are voting in the first place. However, they completely disregard John McCain, and often, when I mention his name, they look perplexed, as if the name is new and meaningless to them.

The other day, I had a female client who gushed effusively about Sarah Palin, and how she is amazed that a woman can juggle a career and a family with such ease. I told her it happens every day, and has happened since the beginning of time. The client looked puzzled, as if this was new information. She then told me that the cannot wait to vote for Palin. I corrected her. I told her that her vote is for McCain, that Palin is riding along on the ticket. Again, my client got a dazed look on her face, as if this was new information. As we concluded our business, I asked her again if she was voting for McCain, and she said, again, "No, I'm voting for Sarah Palin."

I left it at that.

Last week, I was speaking with my sister - a hardcore Democrat. She told me that she was voting for Palin. I told her that Palin was on the ticket, but McCain was whom she would be voting for. She corrected me by telling me that she will vote for Obama for president and Palin for veep. I corrected her, telling her that Joe Biden was partnered with Obama and that Sarah Palin was on the Republican ticket with John McCain. She seemed a bit awed by this new information, and finally said that she would be forced to vote for McCain because she wanted to see a woman in the White House. I asked her if she realized that Palin would NOT be president, and she countered with "... McCain is so old, he'll never make it through four years, so we need a woman to take over after he finally dies."

My partner works at an elementary school and lots of his fellow teachers are women, and the majority of them plan on voting for Palin. I asked him if they realize their vote is for McCain, and he said he thinks they only see Palin, since she is making news on an hourly basis. McCain isn't the news anymore - his running mate is. My partner did say that a few women have expressed disdain for Palin, saying she is "scary," "a liar," and "a puppet." One of the women at the school, a delightful African American secretary in the office told me she would never vote for a woman based on the fact that they shared the same genitalia. Bravo.

So, I have determined that any woman who votes for Palin (or McCain) is doing so out of shared vagina. The issues don't matter - Palin's stance on abortion, gays, guns, etc. have no bearing on the vote. It boils down to the simple fact that Sarah Palin has a vagina just like every woman in America. And since Palin has a vagina, she will be getting lots of votes.

How interesting it will be to see these Vagina Voters going to the polling places and not seeing Palin's name on the ballot, but secondary to McCain. The faces of these women will be priceless when they discover Palin is not running for president.

And the Vagina Vote has spoken...

Joe Lieberman - Democrat Turncoat

Why has Joe Lieberman been allowed to continue to caucus with Democrats when clearly he has abandoned his own party and moved to the enemy. He is supporting John McCain and claims himself to be an Independent. Then why, on God's Earth, is he not campaigning for Ralph Nader - or Oprah? Joe Lieberman is a sycophantic moron who will follow whomever dangles the bigger prize in front of his old Jewish eyes. This old fart is nothing but a turncoat and a traitor and he should be banned from ANY AND ALL Democratic functions. He claims to be Independent. What a load of shit, since he got up on the stage at the GOP rally in Minneapolis and said that Obama is not qualified to run this country - that McCain is by virtue of his Vietman experience. Another load of shit from a trollish looking old Jew whose time on Capitol Hill is marked only by the number of boots he's willing to lick. I'll bet he'd campaign for Adolph Hitler if it meant getting any exposure out of it.

Get rid of this monstrous tick on the belly of society. He's a fucked up old Jew who should have been ridden out of town the moment he traded his Democrat badge for a Republican badge.

Family Values - Palin Style!

Yesterday, the media was abuzz with the news that Sarah Palin, Republican vice-presidential nominee, had announced that her 17 year old daughter is five months pregnant, in an effort to quash rumors that Palin's newborn is indeed the teenager's child.

WOW!

Ironically, the family has done the usual sidestepping and announced that the girl, Bristol, will in fact give birth to the child - as Mommy is highly opposed to abortion - and will marry the father - whoever that is. I wonder if the father even knows if the fetus is his, because if Bristol was fucking around at the age of 16 or 17, it's a crapshoot to identify who was her particular paramour that particular day, which would be around the middle to end of April, right around tax time. Maybe she was fucking the family accountant.

Palin also has requested the family be left alone during this time of hardship, as they face a personal matter. Funny how it is a personal matter when its her kid, but all the preaching about abstinence Palin has done and the legislature she tried to pass while in Alaska to get sex-ed in public schools to teach ONLY abstinence, she seemed to be trying to tell the rest of the world how she wants them to live. Now the shoe is on the other foot and she wants no media attention.

That also explains why Bristol was carrying the Down syndrome baby - to cover up her own baby bump.

So it boils down to this:

Sarah Palin want the American public to do as she says, but to ignore what she does in her private life, because that's different.

Palin obviously never spoke to Bristol about sex, having sex, abstaining from sex, using a condom, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy or all the other things that parents should teach their nubile young daughters about the world they are growing up to face. Sounds like Palin is one of those parents who will argue that the school system failed Bristol and that it is the responsibility of the public schools to teach children about such things, yet, as soon as the school mentions the words "condom," or "homosexuality," Palin becomes the indignant parent, shouting from the rooftops that the education system has no right to teach her child about the facts of life. As Homer Simpson said to Principal Skinner about Bart after he'd done something naughty: "Skinner, he's your problem from 7AM to 3PM." Later in the same episode, when Bart issues a stream of swears, Homer admonishes him to refrain from using "that kind of talk in the house and save it for the schoolyard." Palin has become Homer Simpson, unable to get her own children to do as he commands the rest of us do...

And what of Bristol? She's a homely girl at best, so who was fucking her and for how long? Since she's only 17, I wonder how many other children she has, or, more importantly, how many abortions has she had prior to getting caught with this one? I have two stepsisters who both had their first abortions when they were sixteen. Seems the thing to do...

And then there is the investigation into Palin's abuse of power and authority. She fired someone who refused in turn to fire her former brother-in-law after he had divorced - quite messily - Palin's sister. Retribution for not doing as Sarah Says. And now it has come down to a investigation and Palin hired an attorney to fight on her behalf. Well, what if it is true, that she used her position and privilege to get another person sacked from their job because that person didn't do what she said to do? Is she going to get mad and stomp her feet and hold her breath like a five year old because she didn't get her way? From what I have read about Palin, she has led a very privileged life - wealth, fame and lots of fortune from Daddy's gold mine (though I notice some reports say her parents are a schoolteacher and administrative assistant). She comes across as a spoiled society bitch.

Sadly, this will not go away.

And for all the harumphing the Republicans do over every fart from a Democrat, it amazed me how many high-profile GOPers were 100% supportive of Palin, saying that it is a family thing, that she's being targeted by Democrats for the firings (not true, since it is her own state legislature that is investigating her improprieties instead of a Federal council), and that we should all give her love and support for being such a wonderful mother and governor. Yet, Sarah Palin couldn't even keep her own daughter from getting knocked up. She says it's because teenagers never listen. Did you try talking to her, Sarah? Did you? Or were you too busy being getting your way in state goverment that you totally ignored your own family?

Family Values - A Republican Trademark!

Translation: Do as I say, not as I do, and WHEN I am caught doing the bad/wrong things, I reserve the right to my privacy, but NO ONE else is entitled to their privacy.

Sarah Scares...

The more I learn about Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin, the more I fear her. I have read upwards of 20 websites and at least five op-ed pieces in the local papers to glean as much as I can about this woman whose name I have never heard. What I found is disturbing, and downright scary, at times.

Fox News keeps referring to her as "beauty queen" and "beauty pageant winner", but what I have discovered is that she did win a local pageant called Miss Wasilla and that she came in 2nd runner up in the Miss Alaska pageant. That's really not a winner, folks. It's more like an also-ran. Second runner-up? That means there were two other girls/women who were prettier, smarter, more talented and looked better in a bikini.

She is a deeply religious woman, having been baptized as Catholic as a teenager, but describes herself as a "non-denominational Christian" and a "post-denominationalist Christian." If that isn't political double-speak, I don't know what is...

Her beliefs frighten me. She believes that a woman should have no choice or voice when it comes to abortion. Even if it is due to incest or rape. She belongs to a group called the "Feminists For Life," and anti-abortion group. When I read the name of the organization, my first thought was that it was a group of white upper-class soccer mom's who were pissed that the local lesbians were getting better press than they were, so they formed this coffee-club to get more attention from their already deficient lives. Despite claiming to be pro-life, Palin is a staunch supporter of the death penalty. Two sides of one coin, eh? Makes no sense to me, since a life is a life, no matter how you look at it. Death for some, but life for others. Sounds two-faced.

Palin is against gay-marriage (and I admit to not being a proponent. Why should we have to suffer like all the straight folks?) and has supported constitutional amendments to ban health benefits to same sex couples, and is a vocal supporter of Bush's attempts to amend the constitution to ban same sex unions on a Federal level. Yet, she vetoed a bill to block public employee health benefits to same sex couples, claiming it is "unconstitutional." I don't get it.

Sarah believes that creationism should be taught in public schools. She downplayed this recently by saying she supports more debate about creationism and evolution being taught to children.

Wow! She sure does love them children, don't she? It's okay to murder someone for committing a crime, but it is not okay for a psychologically damaged woman (incest or rape) to chose to keep or not to keep a fetus that was born of hate and raw ugliness. Don't those kids grow up to be the same crooks that Sarah is setting down into a metal chair and then cranking up the juice? Makes no sense.

Palin doesn't believe in global warming, or, more importantly, that it is a man-made phenomena. Her husband works in middle-management in the Big Oil arena, and I am sure his income is into the seven figures, and she even took on the Endangered Species Act for listing the polar bear as endangered because it fucked with her state's oil drilling and supports aerial hunting of wolves to keep the population in check. She is an avid hunter and ice fisher, and boasts of the many furs that adorn her home's walls. In fact, in one interview, she gushes with girlish pride that the number of furs in her closet are more special to her. Apparently, she has a fur fetish, and has coats made of many exotic animals, and she is proud to wear her furs to meetings and public spectacles. I saw some pics of her in her furs and she is definitely at home in them.

She scares me.

From what I have read, she seems very contradictory. As if she will fold the moment she is faced with a whiff of derision or scandal. Isn't that how it is for those beauty contest girls? No scandals! No deviations! Keep to the script and hope for the scepter at the end... The Republicans have touted her as "no-nonsense," "willing to take on big government/corruption, etc.," "tough on big oil," ad nauseum. I think she's a scared little girl who got where she is by being a minor version of Ann Coulter - a young, skinny white woman who looks good in a bikini, a skirt or camouflage. She's a Republican wet dream - sexy and drives an SUV.

And I don't like her wig. That stupid little attachment she wears that looks like Karen from Will and Grace. It looks tacky. Like Karen, she is a rich woman in a world she doesn't understand and doesn't understand her.

And apparently, her daddy owns a gold mine in Alaska. I guess their rich. Her family has a lodge in some snow capped, unspoiled terrain of Alaska where they go hunting and ice fishing and eat Mooseburgers (gross!) for dinner.

I am going to take the time to get to know this woman as best I can. As a registered voter, it is my obligation to know the facts. And I will vote Democrat, nonetheless.

100 Favorite Superheroes

Following in yesterday's tradition, here is a list of 100 of my favorite superheroes:

1. Wonder Woman
2. Superman
3. Adam Warlock
4. Adam Strange
5. Namor the Sub-Mariner
6. Green Lantern Hal Jordan
7. Power Girl
8. Cosmic Boy
9. Aquaman
10. Agualad
11. Green Lantern Alan Scott
12. Flash Barry Allen
13. Flash Jay Garrick
14. Starman Ted Knight
15. Uncle Sam
16. Mr. Terrific Terry Sloan
17. Wildcat
18. Johnny Thunder
19. Black Canary
20. Captain Marvel - Billy Batson
21. Captain Marvel, Jr.
22. Sandman Wesley Dodds
23. Ultra Boy
24. Superboy
25. Nightwing
26. Kid Flash Wally West
27. Johnny Quick
28. Red Tornado
29. Phantom Stranger
30. Zatanna
31. Green Arrow
32. Animal Man
33. Scarlet Witch
34. Yellowjacket
35. Ant-Man
36. Wasp
37. Thor
38. Captain America
39. Bucky
40. Vision
41. Captain Mar-Vell
42. Hellcat
43. Son of Satan
44. Silver Surfer
45. Doctor Strange
46. Elongated Man
47. Blackhawk
48. Hawkman
49. Hawkgirl
50. Plastic Man
51. Doll Man
52. Human Bomb
53. Black Condor
54. Phantom Lady
55. Liberty Belle
56. Spectre
57. Killraven
58. Ka-Zar
59. Cyclops of the X-Men
60. Firestorm Ronnie Raymond
61. Black Lightning
62. Vixen
63. Wonder Man
64. Hawkeye
65. She-Hulk
66. Ms. Marvel
67. Kitty Pryde
68. Storm of the X-Men
69. Beast
70. Black Panther
71. Nick Fury
72. Giant-Man
73. Stingray
74. Animal Man
75. Falcon
76. Longshot
77. Zatara
78. Blue Beetle
79. Booster Gold
80. Metamorpho
81. J'onn J'onzz the Martian Manhunter
82. Detective Chimp
83. Iceman
84. Angel
85. Invisible Girl/Woman
86. Captain Comet
87. Lightray of the New Gods
88. Nightshade
89. Captain Atom
90. Mister Scarlet & Pinky
91. Spy Smasher
92. Doctor Fate
93. Doctor Mid-Nite Charles McNider
94. Colossal Boy
95. Thing
96. Iron Fist
97. Power Man Luke Cage
98. Black Widow
99. Atom Ray Palmer
100. Robin Dick Grayson

These are not in order, but if I had to choose my all-time fave it would be, hands down, Wonder Woman for DC and She-Hulk for Marvel.

TTFN

Worst Things...

Earlier, I wrote of the 100 Greatest Things About Comics. Now, it's time for the reverse - 100 Bad Things About Comics.

Here, in no particular order:

1. Lateness - a problem plaguing the industry for the past decade
2. Celebrity artists - they get a gig and screw it up in a matter of months
3. Celebrity writers - same as above, or they never finish what they start - Kevin Smith...
4. Rob Liefeld
5. Enhanced covers
6. Variant covers
7. Marvel's Heroes Reborn/Return - whatever, it was shit
8. Onslaught (a horrible Marvel character)
9. The overexposure of Wolverine
10. The plethora of BAD, BAD, BAD X-titles
11. Events - every other week, it's a new one - Final Crisis, Civil War, etc.
12. Poor coloring - with today's computer artistry, there is no reason to muddy the pages
13. Chris Claremont - he just sucks now
14. Unfinished stories
15. Jack Kirby not getting a creator credit on Marvel comics that he co-created
16. The abyssmal treatment of artists and writers from the Golden and Silver Age
17. Characters who don't stay dead - do you hear this, Marvel?
18. The absence of Golden Age characters
19. The absence of Golden Age characters in the Marvel Universe
20. The absence of good comics for kids - yeah, there are some, but so very few.
21. Todd McFarlane
22. The overexposure of Batman
23. The absence of good, second- and third-tier characters
24. The loss of the secret identity
25. The raging asshole that Iron Man has become
26. The loss of the thought balloon/bubble
27. The absence of footnotes
28. The loss of continuity - especially in the Marvel Universe
29. Third-party grading services - c'mon, people, this is a hobby, not a way of life
30. CGC grading service in particular
31. Rebooting series - leave the goddamn things alone!
32. Marvel's renumbering a few years back that has caused all kinds of Hell for those of us that catalogue our collections
33. The lack of Golden Age reprints - aside from the Archives and Masterworks series
34. Tittie artists - those who can only draw humongous breasts on women and nothing else
35. The lack of Silver Age reprints of great series such as Mystery in Space, Strange Adventures, My Greatest Adventures, Millie the Model, Sugar and Spike, Patsy Walker, etc.
36. Digest comics - like DC did in the 1970's
37. Treasury sized comics - like those done recently by Alex Ross and Paul Dini
38. Roy Thomas not being credited as a contributing architect of the Marvel Universe
39. Chuck Rozanski - this man is out to make money, people - lots and lots of money...
40. The lack of great pulp heroes in the comics - where's Doc Savage, the Shadow, the Spider, etal?
41. Outrageous price gouging on hot/current issues
42. The lack of Gold Key and Dell reprints
43. Youngblood
44. Convoluted X-Men continuity - after over 30 years of reading comics, I still cannot figure out how some of these characters fit in (Cable, Bishop, Rachel Summers, Psylocke, etc.)
45. The lack of funny animal comics
46. The lack of western comics - I know there are a few, but that's it (read Jonah Hex and the Lone Ranger, folks - these are damn good comics)
47. The lack of comics for girls
48. The "good-girl" art prevalent in the comics today - yes, I know the readership is mostly male, but, for Godsake, we don't all fantasize about great big pendulous breasts
49. The lack of romance comics
50. Writers who write specifically for the trade paperback format instead of telling compelling stories
51. Covers that have absolutely nothing to do with the contents of the comic
52. The over-abundance of licensed toy properties
53. Harley Yee - another dealer who marks his stock waaaay up, beyond reasonability
54. Soliciting a trade/hardcover when the original series isn't even finished
55. The overexposure of the X-Men
56. Wolverine on every single team in the Marvel Universe
57. All-Star Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder - this series is awful, shitty and just plain bad
58. Frank Miller on superhero comics
59. John Byrne's ego
60. The lack of creator's who create new characters
61. The Detroit Justice League
62. The leather jacket phase of the Avengers
63. JMS bringing back Gwen Stacy and the stories that ensued
64. The Clone Saga
65. The abyssmal way DC has treated Wonder Woman
66. The abyssmal way Marvel has treated the Scarlet Witch
67. Spider-Man's Brand New/One More Day
68. Marvel not giving creators credit like DC does for its characters (Superman created by Siegel & Schuster, Batman created by Bob Kane (and Bill Finger))
69. The abyssmal way the industry shuns gay characters, except lesbians, because that's what fanboys want to see
70. John Stewart Green Lantern being shoehorned into continuity and is still one of the worst characters going - the era of the angry black man is long over, DC
71. Shitty superhero movies - Catwoman, Punisher, Elektra, Daredevil
72. Archie Comics poor treatment of creator Dan DeCarlo - shame, shame, shame!
73. The unfortunate legal tangle that is keeping the Adam West Batman series from arriving on DVD
74. The Marvel Superheroes not being on DVD
75. Series that take years to complete - Daredevil: Father, Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do, Daredevil: Target (still unfinished), Ultimate Wolverine Vs. Hulk (still unfinished)
76. The watered down icons (Superman, Batman, Spider-Man)
77. The lack of war comics
78. The current rash of zombie comics/covers
79. The lack of anthology comics (World's Finest, Adventure Comics, etc.)
80. The lack of try-out series (Showcase, Marvel Premiere, etc.)
81. The lack of reprints of Archie's superhero comics
82. Event tie-in books - most are just bad
83. Series that halt their storylines to tie-in to the current "event" book
84. Characters whose personalities take dramatic turns and have no explanation (Iron Man, Mister Fantastic, Professor X)
85. No JLA/JSA summer cross-overs
86. The exhorbitant prices of today's comics
87. The lack of teen-age sidekicks
88. Manga-style superheroes
89. The overexposure of the Punisher
90. The lack of captions in stories
91. Wonder Woman's invisble jet
92. Retroactive continuity inserted just for the sake of the current storyline
93. Unsigned cover art
94. The overexposure of Spider-Man
95. The lack of spinner racks
96. Parents suing store owners after buying adult material for their kids - most are bad parents anyway and just looking for free money
97. Speculators - yes, they are out there...
98. Wizard magazine
99. Marvel comics of the 1990's - pretty shitty stuff, guys
100. Comic shop employees/owners who are unfriendly, unclean and uncouth - you know who you are...

That's it for now...

Great Things...

I recently saw a this on another blog, and decided to do my own...

Here is my list of the 100 Greatest Things About Comics (in no particular order)

1. The Justice League of America (1960-1987 run)
2. The Justice Society of America
3. Wonder Woman
4. Roy Thomas
5. Gardner Fox
6. Julius Schwartz
7. All those wonderful Marvel titles from the 1970's (Amazing Adventures, Iron Fist, Hero for Hire, Warlock, Astonishing Adventures, etc.)
8. Stan Lee
9. Jack Kirby - the undisputed KING of Comics
10. Multiple earths (if you can't understand this concept, you should be reading Highlights Magazine, searching for the toaster in the tree...)
11. Claremont/Byrne/Austin run on the Uncanny X-Men
12. Dick Dillin - the unsung hero of the Justice League who drew more issues than any other artist with only a couple breaks for reprint issues, and a master storyteller.
13. Superman
14. Suicide Squad when written by John Ostrander
15. the Avengers - the first 200 issues were the absolute best, then it got kinda shitty
16. Marvel reprint titles - Marvel's Greatest Comics, Marvel Super-Heroes, Marvel Triple Action, Marvel Double Feature, etc.
17. DC Archives
18. Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew
19. Gerry Conway - especially his run on Justice League
20. Paul Levitz - especially his All-Star Comics run and his Legion of Super-Heroes masterpieces
21. George Perez - an artist all should aspire to be and one of the nicest professionals I have had the pleasure of meeting
22. Sheldon Mayer
23. Captain America
24. Golden Age comics (of which I have few, but desire more...)
25. All-Star Squadron
26. Infinity, Inc. (the original run written by Roy Thomas, before the Crisis and the series became a mish-mash of uninspired doo-doo)
27. Freedom Fighters (Golden Age heroes brought back to the present)
28. The Secret Society of Super-Villains (one of my all-time favorite titles)
29. Steve Englehart - his Avengers and Justice League runs are tops in my book
30. the Fantastic Four - though I don't currently read them, they set a precedent for family within the stricture of comics
31. the Overstreet Price Guide - I think it is based on lots of speculation, and some of its advisors are specious at best (Harley Yee and Chuck Rozanski), but it is chock-a-block full of fun info, nonetheless
32. Batman villains (Joker, Riddler, Two-Face, Catwoman, Scarecrow - even lesser lights such as Firefly, Killer Moth and Cluemaster - are always fun to see)
33. DC's 100 page super spectaculars
34. the 80 Page Giants
35. Lois Lane - perhaps the greatest female in comicdom - without powers
36. Gay characters - when done right, they make a true contribution to the diversity of the industry
37. Namor, the Sub-Mariner - the hottest anti-hero in the hottest costume - a simple pair of Speedos showcasing that rippling, muscular body
38. Green Lantern Hal Jordan - there have been many posers, but Hal will always be MY Green Lantern
39. Pseudo-science in DC comics in the Silver Age
40. Robin - the first sidekick
41. the Scarlet Witch
42. Marvel's plethora of characters introduced in the 1970's - Killraven, Ghost Rider, Werewolf by Night, Iron Fist, Deathlok, etc.
43. Treasury sized comics
44. DC's Digest series' from the late '70's
45. the Super Friends - the comic and cartoon
46. The Rogues' Gallery - Flash's fiercest foes united
47. Captain Marvel - Billy Batson
48. Zatanna
49. The New Teen Titans - NEVER in comics did Robin, Kid Flash and Aqualad look hotter than when drawn by George Perez - especially Dick Grayson in those short-shorts with those muscular legs - as a teenager I think I had pre-cum dripping every time I saw him.
50. Mary Jane Parker - sexuality personified
51. Geoff Johns - my current favorite writer
52. Alex Ross paintings
53. Blackhawk - an underused and abused character that should be given his due (and his crew as well)
54. Plastic Man - see Blackhawk above
55. Action Comics and Detective Comics - the granddaddies of the industry
56. EC Comics - keep the reprints coming!
57. Marvel Masterworks series
58. Marvel's continuity - sadly it's become a bad word, but I loved that the characters would meet and have adventures together. DC was never too keen on it, but today, NEITHER company will cross over unless it's for a major "event"
59. the Archie superheroes (the Fly, the Comet, Black Hood, the Web, etc.)
60. the smell of old pulp
61. The Defenders - from issue #1 to around #100, great stuff...
62. Silver Age artists - Gil Kane, Carmine Infantino, Dick Dillin, Bob Brown, Jack Kirby, Dick Ayers, Ramona Fradon, Nick Cardy, Neal Adams, Dick Giordano, Andru & Esposito, Steve Ditko, John Buscema, Sal Buscema, Dave Cockrum, Mike Grell, Don Heck, Don Perlin, Marie Severin, Herb Trimpe, Sam Glanzman, Joe Kubert, Jack Sparling, Joe Staton, etal. - they all deserve our respect and awe.
63. Dark Horse Archives reprint series - oddball stuff not seen in many a year...
64. Villainy, Inc. - bad to the bone bad girls
65. Fables
66. Crisis on Infinite Earths - a great, sweeping saga that started the whole "event" craze that continues to this day
67. Adventure Comics - fun, fun, fun, especially the Dollar issues
68. the Legion of Super-Heroes
69. Ka-Zar of the Savage Land - another of the, when properly done, hottest men in comics
70. the Hostess ads from the 1970's - Godawful but kitchy
71. She-Hulk
72. the first 200 issues of Amazing Spider-Man
73. DC's great characters of the Silver Age - B'wana Beast, Angel and the Ape, the Creeper, Anthro, Bomba the Jungle Boy, Hawk & Dove, Bat Lash, Cave Carson, Strange Sports Stories, Adam Strange, Captain Comet, Space Ranger, the Atomic Knights, Dolphin, etc.
74. Power Girl - a better Supergirl than Supergirl
75. Barbara Gordon - as either Batgirl or Oracle, she kicks ass no matter who she is...
76. The Joker
77. Thor
78. Wednesday's new comic day
79. DC's Warlord - when Mike Grell did this series in the 1970's, I creamed my pants every time I saw Travis Morgan in that skimpy little outfit, his muscles bulging
80. Tryout books - Showcase, Marvel Feature, Marvel Premiere, First Issue Special
81. The Brave and the Bold - Batman team-ups
82. Marvel Team-Up - Spider-Man team-ups
83. Marvel Two-In-One - the Thing team-ups
84. The great second-stringers - the Atom, Hawkman, Elongated Man, Quicksilver, the Vision, Moondragon, Hellcat, Snapper Carr and Rick Jones, the Wasp, Ant-Man/Giant-Man/Goliath/Yellowjacket, Hawkeye, Hawkgirl, Green Arrow, the Beast, Wonder Man, and so on...
85. Carmine Infantino
86. Murphy Anderson
87. Alter Ego magazine
88. the DC Universe
89. the Marvel Universe
90. Mad Magazine
91. Gail Simone
92. Ed Brubaker
93. Sgt. Rock
94. Nick Fury
95. Cosmic Boy - another hero I crushed on when I was a kid, he had a tough body revealed under the most riduculous costume but it served its purpose over 30 years ago...
96. Tarzan
97. The Squadron Supreme
98. The great house ads of the Silver Age in both Marvel and DC Comics
99. DC Comics Presents - Superman team-ups
100. Super-Team Family

That is it for now...

Olympic Galled

What is up with the crybaby Olympians? So far, we have had a medalist throw his medal down and stomp off because he didn't win. Poor fucking baby. Boo hoo to you, you rotten spoilsport. The committee should have right then and there picked up the medal, called security, escorted the whiney spoilsport out of the country and banned him, his family and all descendents from ever participating in any future games.

Then, American tennis player James Blake basically accuses his opponent of cheating and lying, and causes a minor uproar. It surprises me that Blake did not use the race card, claiming that he didn't win because he's black. Poor, poor sportsmanship. And a black-eye (pun intended) on American players all around. Rotten tomatoes should be heaped upon this whining, spoiled brat of a person. And he should be banned from all sports for the rest of his piss-ant life.

Today, I see that Brit Ben Ainslie blames the Olympic committee for not having a breeze during his sailing race, resulting in his third place showing. Again, the smart thing to do would be to haul this sickening asswipe out of the water, confiscate his medals (every one he ever won), and send his ass back to England and ban him and his heirs from future participation in any sporting event worldwide.

The Olympics should be about sportsmanship, comraderie and the spirt of the game. These three paragons of poor sportsmanship should never be allowed to take part in any sporting event, unless it's a game of crying. Then, each would be vying for a gold medal.

Sue Happy Cruise

Tom Cruise will sue anyone - ANYONE - who asserts publicly that he is gay. Same as Liberace did nearly 50 years ago. The rumors have been flying about Tommy for over 20 years, and now that it has been confirmed that he posed seductively in softcore pics for a gay magazine many years ago, the wildfire speculation of his true sexuality is again running rampant. It seems that more and more people are coming to the conclusion that he IS gay, and that his marriage to Katie (My Career is in the Shitter) Holmes is along the same lines as the Claudia Schiffer/David Copperfield set-up from years ago - i.e. she has a contractual obligation to fill as his heterosexual mouthpiece and in the future, when the divorce is imminent, she will walk off with a substantial "thank-you" check. And besides, that mole-child she totes around like luggage is definitely not his. There is no resemblace whatsoever to him.

Anyway, before I stray...

I recently re-read some of the many court documents pertaining to Mr. Cruise's lawsuits against Chad Slater, who claimed he had an affair with the superstar. While Tommy never appeared in court, his battalion of legal eagles did all the wrangling for him. It was documented that Cruise did indeed hire gay porn stars - not just one, but many - over the course of his marriage to Nicole Kidman, to perform certain duties. Those mostly included wrestling, which is one of Cruise's favorite sports to participate in. His lawyers argued that Tommy chose these individuals, of which there were at least 10 named in the suit, and paid them handsomely (upwards of $40,000 for an evening of wrestling), since, as his lawyers claimed, hiring a personal trainer was not a good idea since Cruise was afraid of publicity. WHAT? So instead, he turned to the world of gay porn and paid these hunks who fucked for cash - and probably drugs - to wrestle him, so the publicity would not get out. According to the papers, Cruise paid cash, gave the guys cars, paid their rent, etc. Again, as his lawyers stated, it was strictly a business arrangement, and the porn stars were well taken care of. But, they didn't remain silent, and when Chad Slater went public, he was immediately slapped with a $100 million lawsuit for defamation of character. The lawsuit became big news, and eventually was settled with Slater later recanting every word, probably because Cruise's lawyers were leaning on him pretty heavily. However, Cruise lost his lawsuit against Slater's ex-wife, and was forced to pay her legal fees. She also claimed that her marriage broke up because of Cruise's affiar with her then-hubby. The judge asked his lawyers several times why Cruise didn't just hire a personal trainer like al the other celebrities, to which they claimed, again, that there was a possibility of the trainer going public with Cruise's workout routine.

So what does all this mean?

1.) Tom Cruise has paid many gay porn stars over the years to wrestle him because paying a licensed personal trainer was a guarantee of negative publicity.

2.) Tom Cruise will sue your ass if you even vaguely hint that he's a trouser hound.

3.) Tom Cruise MUST be straight because he has fathered a child (Remember, kids - his children with Nicole Kidman were ADOPTED. At the time of their marriage, she claimed she could never have children. Now she has one. SURPRISE! I long suspected that the reason they never had their own kids was contractual and he probably couldn't get his dinky up for a chick).

4.) Like Liberace, Tom Cruise is STRAIGHT!

5.) Tom Cruise will sue your ass if you even vaguely hint that he's a butt-pirating cockhound.

I do wonder if Cruise is simply so deeply closeted that he really has no concept of the reality and gravity of his actions. Scientology hates homosexuality, and even has a program that can turn a person straight, so maybe the cult has something to do with it. I don't know.

I do know that Tom is a weirdo- psycho- nutcase, and, like a mad dog, should be put down. The whole couch jumping thing on Oprah and his sham marriage to Joey from Dawson's Creek is just more and more proof that his grasp of reality is slipping. His film career is in the crapper, and, except for his hardcore Scientology buddies (Will Smith and Jada Whatever Her Name Is This Week), his friends have pretty much abandoned him. Except Oprah, who, it seems, is doing anything she can to help Tom tell the world that he is a hetero daddy and loves his darling wife. And he did try to make Katie look exactly like Victoria Beckham a while back with her new hairdo and clothes.

I see that Katie Holmes's first foray onto the Broadway stage is fraught with peril because Tommy-boy keeps making demands on the producers and directors (more lines, more stage time, less actors near her, etc.) and the production itself has gone into a tailspin, as Ms. Cruise shows up tired and unprepared, while Hubby Tom makes more and more unreasonable demands to promote his wifey in her new venture (her movie career has all but dried up. Christopher Nolan didn't want her back for the Dark Knight probably in anticipation of the meddling Tom would do while on the set). Since marrying Mr. I'm Not Gay, Holmes's asking price for a film has tumbled from upwards of $6 million to her begging to be in the Dark Knight at a salary of $200,000. Still, Nolan said "NO."

I guess I can anticipate a lawsuit from Cruise to be at my door any minute.

Or maybe we can wrestle...

Women Are Cunts

Recently, I have had the occasion of working with two women - one in her mid-30's, the other in her mid-40's - and both were experiences I would not wish on my worst enemy.

To wit:

Cunt #1 - Sheri H.: In February, I prepared the tax return for this Southwest flight attendant, Sheri H., who was upset that the IRS had issued her a letter stating she had not filed a 2006 return. We completed the return based on the paperwork she had provided, which conisted of a mish-mash of enveloped and assorted receipts and papers of which she had no idea. We then completed a 2007 tax return, again, based on the information she had readily available, which was a pile of dirty, messy, and completely disorganized. I charged the Cunt $300 for the two prepared returns ($150 per year), and she went on her way. During the process of this first meeting, she apologized numerous times for being late and for being disorganized due to having been partying the night before. She had no idea what papers/documents she had, nor if anything was missing or unaccounted for. I was relieved to be done with her.

Flash forward several weeks. Tax season is nearing an end, and Sheri calls screaming at the receptionist that she received a letter from the IRS that says she owes $1,700 for tax year 2006. She demanded to speak with me immediately, even though I was with another client. When I got on the phone, she shouted that I had "fucked up" her taxes and now she was in trouble with the government. I asked her to fax me the letter. She couldn't remember how to use her fax machine at home. I finally got the letter five days later, by fax, surprisingly. I called her and asked her if she had any documents relating to a stock transaction that had occurred in 2006. She said "no." She insisted that she did not own any stocks of any sort and that I had better fix this problem or she will have me arrested for falsifying her tax return. When I mentioned the name of the broker listed on the IRS letter, she stopped dead, calmed down and asked if she could bring her paperwork in again. I set aside an hour for her that coming Saturday, the last weekend before the end of filing season. She was over 30 minutes late, reeked of alcohol, and said she had been partying the night before. She put a three ring binder on my desk and said it was her papers for 2006, and wanted me to find the forms in dispute. She and I searched and couldn't come up with the documents. I asked her if she had a broker she could call, that perhaps the documents were lost in the mail. That is when she tells me that she had moved twice that year, and "forgot" to have her mail forwarded. Again, I asked if she had a broker, and she began to cry. She told me that her broker was her new brother-in-law, with whom she had "accidentally" had an affair, and now was at odds with her sister. I asked how one "accidentally" has an affair with one's sister's husband, and she sobbed louder and louder. She told me that since her sister was no longer speaking to her and in the process of divorcing, she wasn't going to call her soon-to-be ex-brother-in-law. I stressed how important getting these papers was to getting the IRS off her back. Amazingly, she had his number programmed into her cell phone and called him. Their conversation was uncomfortable, as she began to gush and coo over this guy on the phone. He said he had the documents in quesiton, but since she had no address, he never sent them. He faxed them over, we amended the 2006 return and Sheri ended up owing a whopping $76. She was so happy that she did not owe the larger amount, and left a happy camper.

Flash forward: Mid-June, I receive a registered letter from Sheri, two-pages, single-spaced, informing me that she wants her $300 refunded because I caused her undue heartache and stress having royally screwed up her tax return. She said in the letter that I had told her that I was leaving out information intentionally (complete fabrication), and that I had caused a bigger rift between her and her sister because of the phone call to the brother-in-law (how is that my fault?). She also sent copies of this letter to my immediate supervisor, who refunded her money without even asking me what had happened.

I ask you: Is Sheri H. a Cunt, or what?

Cunt #2 - Bo: In January of this year, I received a frantic phone call from a client who insisted she needed to see me right away. When she came in, she had a letter from the IRS about a mail-in audit - which she had received in August of 2007. They wanted to see receipts/records of the expenses she claimed on her 2005 return. I explained the situation to her, and asked her to gather the requested documents. I heard nothing from this Cunt until mid-March, when she received a new letter stating that she owed $3,700. When I asked her if she had sent the paperwork in, she said "no," that she was too busy.

Flsh forward: Mid-March, I meet with Bo, we complete her 2007 tax return and proceed to go over the new letter - which she had received in late-January, but was just now bringing to my attention. Again, I asked her to get the proper paperwork gathered. She had some random papers with her and I told her what else the IRS wanted. She said she would get back to me.

Flash forward: Two weeks after tax season ends, Bo calls. She got a new letter with a new balance due of $5,100. I asked if she ever sent the papers. "No." I told her that she needs to get right on this, or the penalties and interest will continue to accrue. She tells me that she is going to London on vacation (how convenient) and will get back to me when she returns.

Flash forward: July 2008, Bo calls. Now she has a letter from the IRS for $5,700 and is frantic. She blames the whole mess on me, saying that I neglected to follow up with her on the gathering of the papers/docuements, that she cannot understand why this is happening to her, and that the IRS is picking on her and I am not doing anything to defend her. I ask her to come in and bring the paperwork she had and we could go over it. Guess what? She was missing tons of documents! Surprise! And the letter that she got saying she now owed $5,700? It was dated May 28th. We met on July 21st.

Then the emails started, criticizing me for not being attentive to her IRS issue. I emailed her back that the gathering and maintaining of documentation is the responsibility of the taxpayer in the event of an audit. Still, she blamed me, and yesterday, I received 5 emails from her, going from angry and accusatory to plaintive and remorseful. My responses were terse and to the point. Get the paperwork requested by the IRS together and send it in. Period. End of conversation.

When I return to work on Wednesday, I wonder what new drama will be awaiting me.

Gee, I can't wait...

And that is why Women are Cunts.

Thank you and have a wonderful afternoon.