The more I learn about Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin, the more I fear her. I have read upwards of 20 websites and at least five op-ed pieces in the local papers to glean as much as I can about this woman whose name I have never heard. What I found is disturbing, and downright scary, at times.
Fox News keeps referring to her as "beauty queen" and "beauty pageant winner", but what I have discovered is that she did win a local pageant called Miss Wasilla and that she came in 2nd runner up in the Miss Alaska pageant. That's really not a winner, folks. It's more like an also-ran. Second runner-up? That means there were two other girls/women who were prettier, smarter, more talented and looked better in a bikini.
She is a deeply religious woman, having been baptized as Catholic as a teenager, but describes herself as a "non-denominational Christian" and a "post-denominationalist Christian." If that isn't political double-speak, I don't know what is...
Her beliefs frighten me. She believes that a woman should have no choice or voice when it comes to abortion. Even if it is due to incest or rape. She belongs to a group called the "Feminists For Life," and anti-abortion group. When I read the name of the organization, my first thought was that it was a group of white upper-class soccer mom's who were pissed that the local lesbians were getting better press than they were, so they formed this coffee-club to get more attention from their already deficient lives. Despite claiming to be pro-life, Palin is a staunch supporter of the death penalty. Two sides of one coin, eh? Makes no sense to me, since a life is a life, no matter how you look at it. Death for some, but life for others. Sounds two-faced.
Palin is against gay-marriage (and I admit to not being a proponent. Why should we have to suffer like all the straight folks?) and has supported constitutional amendments to ban health benefits to same sex couples, and is a vocal supporter of Bush's attempts to amend the constitution to ban same sex unions on a Federal level. Yet, she vetoed a bill to block public employee health benefits to same sex couples, claiming it is "unconstitutional." I don't get it.
Sarah believes that creationism should be taught in public schools. She downplayed this recently by saying she supports more debate about creationism and evolution being taught to children.
Wow! She sure does love them children, don't she? It's okay to murder someone for committing a crime, but it is not okay for a psychologically damaged woman (incest or rape) to chose to keep or not to keep a fetus that was born of hate and raw ugliness. Don't those kids grow up to be the same crooks that Sarah is setting down into a metal chair and then cranking up the juice? Makes no sense.
Palin doesn't believe in global warming, or, more importantly, that it is a man-made phenomena. Her husband works in middle-management in the Big Oil arena, and I am sure his income is into the seven figures, and she even took on the Endangered Species Act for listing the polar bear as endangered because it fucked with her state's oil drilling and supports aerial hunting of wolves to keep the population in check. She is an avid hunter and ice fisher, and boasts of the many furs that adorn her home's walls. In fact, in one interview, she gushes with girlish pride that the number of furs in her closet are more special to her. Apparently, she has a fur fetish, and has coats made of many exotic animals, and she is proud to wear her furs to meetings and public spectacles. I saw some pics of her in her furs and she is definitely at home in them.
She scares me.
From what I have read, she seems very contradictory. As if she will fold the moment she is faced with a whiff of derision or scandal. Isn't that how it is for those beauty contest girls? No scandals! No deviations! Keep to the script and hope for the scepter at the end... The Republicans have touted her as "no-nonsense," "willing to take on big government/corruption, etc.," "tough on big oil," ad nauseum. I think she's a scared little girl who got where she is by being a minor version of Ann Coulter - a young, skinny white woman who looks good in a bikini, a skirt or camouflage. She's a Republican wet dream - sexy and drives an SUV.
And I don't like her wig. That stupid little attachment she wears that looks like Karen from Will and Grace. It looks tacky. Like Karen, she is a rich woman in a world she doesn't understand and doesn't understand her.
And apparently, her daddy owns a gold mine in Alaska. I guess their rich. Her family has a lodge in some snow capped, unspoiled terrain of Alaska where they go hunting and ice fishing and eat Mooseburgers (gross!) for dinner.
I am going to take the time to get to know this woman as best I can. As a registered voter, it is my obligation to know the facts. And I will vote Democrat, nonetheless.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
100 Favorite Superheroes
Following in yesterday's tradition, here is a list of 100 of my favorite superheroes:
1. Wonder Woman
2. Superman
3. Adam Warlock
4. Adam Strange
5. Namor the Sub-Mariner
6. Green Lantern Hal Jordan
7. Power Girl
8. Cosmic Boy
9. Aquaman
10. Agualad
11. Green Lantern Alan Scott
12. Flash Barry Allen
13. Flash Jay Garrick
14. Starman Ted Knight
15. Uncle Sam
16. Mr. Terrific Terry Sloan
17. Wildcat
18. Johnny Thunder
19. Black Canary
20. Captain Marvel - Billy Batson
21. Captain Marvel, Jr.
22. Sandman Wesley Dodds
23. Ultra Boy
24. Superboy
25. Nightwing
26. Kid Flash Wally West
27. Johnny Quick
28. Red Tornado
29. Phantom Stranger
30. Zatanna
31. Green Arrow
32. Animal Man
33. Scarlet Witch
34. Yellowjacket
35. Ant-Man
36. Wasp
37. Thor
38. Captain America
39. Bucky
40. Vision
41. Captain Mar-Vell
42. Hellcat
43. Son of Satan
44. Silver Surfer
45. Doctor Strange
46. Elongated Man
47. Blackhawk
48. Hawkman
49. Hawkgirl
50. Plastic Man
51. Doll Man
52. Human Bomb
53. Black Condor
54. Phantom Lady
55. Liberty Belle
56. Spectre
57. Killraven
58. Ka-Zar
59. Cyclops of the X-Men
60. Firestorm Ronnie Raymond
61. Black Lightning
62. Vixen
63. Wonder Man
64. Hawkeye
65. She-Hulk
66. Ms. Marvel
67. Kitty Pryde
68. Storm of the X-Men
69. Beast
70. Black Panther
71. Nick Fury
72. Giant-Man
73. Stingray
74. Animal Man
75. Falcon
76. Longshot
77. Zatara
78. Blue Beetle
79. Booster Gold
80. Metamorpho
81. J'onn J'onzz the Martian Manhunter
82. Detective Chimp
83. Iceman
84. Angel
85. Invisible Girl/Woman
86. Captain Comet
87. Lightray of the New Gods
88. Nightshade
89. Captain Atom
90. Mister Scarlet & Pinky
91. Spy Smasher
92. Doctor Fate
93. Doctor Mid-Nite Charles McNider
94. Colossal Boy
95. Thing
96. Iron Fist
97. Power Man Luke Cage
98. Black Widow
99. Atom Ray Palmer
100. Robin Dick Grayson
These are not in order, but if I had to choose my all-time fave it would be, hands down, Wonder Woman for DC and She-Hulk for Marvel.
TTFN
1. Wonder Woman
2. Superman
3. Adam Warlock
4. Adam Strange
5. Namor the Sub-Mariner
6. Green Lantern Hal Jordan
7. Power Girl
8. Cosmic Boy
9. Aquaman
10. Agualad
11. Green Lantern Alan Scott
12. Flash Barry Allen
13. Flash Jay Garrick
14. Starman Ted Knight
15. Uncle Sam
16. Mr. Terrific Terry Sloan
17. Wildcat
18. Johnny Thunder
19. Black Canary
20. Captain Marvel - Billy Batson
21. Captain Marvel, Jr.
22. Sandman Wesley Dodds
23. Ultra Boy
24. Superboy
25. Nightwing
26. Kid Flash Wally West
27. Johnny Quick
28. Red Tornado
29. Phantom Stranger
30. Zatanna
31. Green Arrow
32. Animal Man
33. Scarlet Witch
34. Yellowjacket
35. Ant-Man
36. Wasp
37. Thor
38. Captain America
39. Bucky
40. Vision
41. Captain Mar-Vell
42. Hellcat
43. Son of Satan
44. Silver Surfer
45. Doctor Strange
46. Elongated Man
47. Blackhawk
48. Hawkman
49. Hawkgirl
50. Plastic Man
51. Doll Man
52. Human Bomb
53. Black Condor
54. Phantom Lady
55. Liberty Belle
56. Spectre
57. Killraven
58. Ka-Zar
59. Cyclops of the X-Men
60. Firestorm Ronnie Raymond
61. Black Lightning
62. Vixen
63. Wonder Man
64. Hawkeye
65. She-Hulk
66. Ms. Marvel
67. Kitty Pryde
68. Storm of the X-Men
69. Beast
70. Black Panther
71. Nick Fury
72. Giant-Man
73. Stingray
74. Animal Man
75. Falcon
76. Longshot
77. Zatara
78. Blue Beetle
79. Booster Gold
80. Metamorpho
81. J'onn J'onzz the Martian Manhunter
82. Detective Chimp
83. Iceman
84. Angel
85. Invisible Girl/Woman
86. Captain Comet
87. Lightray of the New Gods
88. Nightshade
89. Captain Atom
90. Mister Scarlet & Pinky
91. Spy Smasher
92. Doctor Fate
93. Doctor Mid-Nite Charles McNider
94. Colossal Boy
95. Thing
96. Iron Fist
97. Power Man Luke Cage
98. Black Widow
99. Atom Ray Palmer
100. Robin Dick Grayson
These are not in order, but if I had to choose my all-time fave it would be, hands down, Wonder Woman for DC and She-Hulk for Marvel.
TTFN
Friday, August 22, 2008
Worst Things...
Earlier, I wrote of the 100 Greatest Things About Comics. Now, it's time for the reverse - 100 Bad Things About Comics.
Here, in no particular order:
1. Lateness - a problem plaguing the industry for the past decade
2. Celebrity artists - they get a gig and screw it up in a matter of months
3. Celebrity writers - same as above, or they never finish what they start - Kevin Smith...
4. Rob Liefeld
5. Enhanced covers
6. Variant covers
7. Marvel's Heroes Reborn/Return - whatever, it was shit
8. Onslaught (a horrible Marvel character)
9. The overexposure of Wolverine
10. The plethora of BAD, BAD, BAD X-titles
11. Events - every other week, it's a new one - Final Crisis, Civil War, etc.
12. Poor coloring - with today's computer artistry, there is no reason to muddy the pages
13. Chris Claremont - he just sucks now
14. Unfinished stories
15. Jack Kirby not getting a creator credit on Marvel comics that he co-created
16. The abyssmal treatment of artists and writers from the Golden and Silver Age
17. Characters who don't stay dead - do you hear this, Marvel?
18. The absence of Golden Age characters
19. The absence of Golden Age characters in the Marvel Universe
20. The absence of good comics for kids - yeah, there are some, but so very few.
21. Todd McFarlane
22. The overexposure of Batman
23. The absence of good, second- and third-tier characters
24. The loss of the secret identity
25. The raging asshole that Iron Man has become
26. The loss of the thought balloon/bubble
27. The absence of footnotes
28. The loss of continuity - especially in the Marvel Universe
29. Third-party grading services - c'mon, people, this is a hobby, not a way of life
30. CGC grading service in particular
31. Rebooting series - leave the goddamn things alone!
32. Marvel's renumbering a few years back that has caused all kinds of Hell for those of us that catalogue our collections
33. The lack of Golden Age reprints - aside from the Archives and Masterworks series
34. Tittie artists - those who can only draw humongous breasts on women and nothing else
35. The lack of Silver Age reprints of great series such as Mystery in Space, Strange Adventures, My Greatest Adventures, Millie the Model, Sugar and Spike, Patsy Walker, etc.
36. Digest comics - like DC did in the 1970's
37. Treasury sized comics - like those done recently by Alex Ross and Paul Dini
38. Roy Thomas not being credited as a contributing architect of the Marvel Universe
39. Chuck Rozanski - this man is out to make money, people - lots and lots of money...
40. The lack of great pulp heroes in the comics - where's Doc Savage, the Shadow, the Spider, etal?
41. Outrageous price gouging on hot/current issues
42. The lack of Gold Key and Dell reprints
43. Youngblood
44. Convoluted X-Men continuity - after over 30 years of reading comics, I still cannot figure out how some of these characters fit in (Cable, Bishop, Rachel Summers, Psylocke, etc.)
45. The lack of funny animal comics
46. The lack of western comics - I know there are a few, but that's it (read Jonah Hex and the Lone Ranger, folks - these are damn good comics)
47. The lack of comics for girls
48. The "good-girl" art prevalent in the comics today - yes, I know the readership is mostly male, but, for Godsake, we don't all fantasize about great big pendulous breasts
49. The lack of romance comics
50. Writers who write specifically for the trade paperback format instead of telling compelling stories
51. Covers that have absolutely nothing to do with the contents of the comic
52. The over-abundance of licensed toy properties
53. Harley Yee - another dealer who marks his stock waaaay up, beyond reasonability
54. Soliciting a trade/hardcover when the original series isn't even finished
55. The overexposure of the X-Men
56. Wolverine on every single team in the Marvel Universe
57. All-Star Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder - this series is awful, shitty and just plain bad
58. Frank Miller on superhero comics
59. John Byrne's ego
60. The lack of creator's who create new characters
61. The Detroit Justice League
62. The leather jacket phase of the Avengers
63. JMS bringing back Gwen Stacy and the stories that ensued
64. The Clone Saga
65. The abyssmal way DC has treated Wonder Woman
66. The abyssmal way Marvel has treated the Scarlet Witch
67. Spider-Man's Brand New/One More Day
68. Marvel not giving creators credit like DC does for its characters (Superman created by Siegel & Schuster, Batman created by Bob Kane (and Bill Finger))
69. The abyssmal way the industry shuns gay characters, except lesbians, because that's what fanboys want to see
70. John Stewart Green Lantern being shoehorned into continuity and is still one of the worst characters going - the era of the angry black man is long over, DC
71. Shitty superhero movies - Catwoman, Punisher, Elektra, Daredevil
72. Archie Comics poor treatment of creator Dan DeCarlo - shame, shame, shame!
73. The unfortunate legal tangle that is keeping the Adam West Batman series from arriving on DVD
74. The Marvel Superheroes not being on DVD
75. Series that take years to complete - Daredevil: Father, Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do, Daredevil: Target (still unfinished), Ultimate Wolverine Vs. Hulk (still unfinished)
76. The watered down icons (Superman, Batman, Spider-Man)
77. The lack of war comics
78. The current rash of zombie comics/covers
79. The lack of anthology comics (World's Finest, Adventure Comics, etc.)
80. The lack of try-out series (Showcase, Marvel Premiere, etc.)
81. The lack of reprints of Archie's superhero comics
82. Event tie-in books - most are just bad
83. Series that halt their storylines to tie-in to the current "event" book
84. Characters whose personalities take dramatic turns and have no explanation (Iron Man, Mister Fantastic, Professor X)
85. No JLA/JSA summer cross-overs
86. The exhorbitant prices of today's comics
87. The lack of teen-age sidekicks
88. Manga-style superheroes
89. The overexposure of the Punisher
90. The lack of captions in stories
91. Wonder Woman's invisble jet
92. Retroactive continuity inserted just for the sake of the current storyline
93. Unsigned cover art
94. The overexposure of Spider-Man
95. The lack of spinner racks
96. Parents suing store owners after buying adult material for their kids - most are bad parents anyway and just looking for free money
97. Speculators - yes, they are out there...
98. Wizard magazine
99. Marvel comics of the 1990's - pretty shitty stuff, guys
100. Comic shop employees/owners who are unfriendly, unclean and uncouth - you know who you are...
That's it for now...
Here, in no particular order:
1. Lateness - a problem plaguing the industry for the past decade
2. Celebrity artists - they get a gig and screw it up in a matter of months
3. Celebrity writers - same as above, or they never finish what they start - Kevin Smith...
4. Rob Liefeld
5. Enhanced covers
6. Variant covers
7. Marvel's Heroes Reborn/Return - whatever, it was shit
8. Onslaught (a horrible Marvel character)
9. The overexposure of Wolverine
10. The plethora of BAD, BAD, BAD X-titles
11. Events - every other week, it's a new one - Final Crisis, Civil War, etc.
12. Poor coloring - with today's computer artistry, there is no reason to muddy the pages
13. Chris Claremont - he just sucks now
14. Unfinished stories
15. Jack Kirby not getting a creator credit on Marvel comics that he co-created
16. The abyssmal treatment of artists and writers from the Golden and Silver Age
17. Characters who don't stay dead - do you hear this, Marvel?
18. The absence of Golden Age characters
19. The absence of Golden Age characters in the Marvel Universe
20. The absence of good comics for kids - yeah, there are some, but so very few.
21. Todd McFarlane
22. The overexposure of Batman
23. The absence of good, second- and third-tier characters
24. The loss of the secret identity
25. The raging asshole that Iron Man has become
26. The loss of the thought balloon/bubble
27. The absence of footnotes
28. The loss of continuity - especially in the Marvel Universe
29. Third-party grading services - c'mon, people, this is a hobby, not a way of life
30. CGC grading service in particular
31. Rebooting series - leave the goddamn things alone!
32. Marvel's renumbering a few years back that has caused all kinds of Hell for those of us that catalogue our collections
33. The lack of Golden Age reprints - aside from the Archives and Masterworks series
34. Tittie artists - those who can only draw humongous breasts on women and nothing else
35. The lack of Silver Age reprints of great series such as Mystery in Space, Strange Adventures, My Greatest Adventures, Millie the Model, Sugar and Spike, Patsy Walker, etc.
36. Digest comics - like DC did in the 1970's
37. Treasury sized comics - like those done recently by Alex Ross and Paul Dini
38. Roy Thomas not being credited as a contributing architect of the Marvel Universe
39. Chuck Rozanski - this man is out to make money, people - lots and lots of money...
40. The lack of great pulp heroes in the comics - where's Doc Savage, the Shadow, the Spider, etal?
41. Outrageous price gouging on hot/current issues
42. The lack of Gold Key and Dell reprints
43. Youngblood
44. Convoluted X-Men continuity - after over 30 years of reading comics, I still cannot figure out how some of these characters fit in (Cable, Bishop, Rachel Summers, Psylocke, etc.)
45. The lack of funny animal comics
46. The lack of western comics - I know there are a few, but that's it (read Jonah Hex and the Lone Ranger, folks - these are damn good comics)
47. The lack of comics for girls
48. The "good-girl" art prevalent in the comics today - yes, I know the readership is mostly male, but, for Godsake, we don't all fantasize about great big pendulous breasts
49. The lack of romance comics
50. Writers who write specifically for the trade paperback format instead of telling compelling stories
51. Covers that have absolutely nothing to do with the contents of the comic
52. The over-abundance of licensed toy properties
53. Harley Yee - another dealer who marks his stock waaaay up, beyond reasonability
54. Soliciting a trade/hardcover when the original series isn't even finished
55. The overexposure of the X-Men
56. Wolverine on every single team in the Marvel Universe
57. All-Star Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder - this series is awful, shitty and just plain bad
58. Frank Miller on superhero comics
59. John Byrne's ego
60. The lack of creator's who create new characters
61. The Detroit Justice League
62. The leather jacket phase of the Avengers
63. JMS bringing back Gwen Stacy and the stories that ensued
64. The Clone Saga
65. The abyssmal way DC has treated Wonder Woman
66. The abyssmal way Marvel has treated the Scarlet Witch
67. Spider-Man's Brand New/One More Day
68. Marvel not giving creators credit like DC does for its characters (Superman created by Siegel & Schuster, Batman created by Bob Kane (and Bill Finger))
69. The abyssmal way the industry shuns gay characters, except lesbians, because that's what fanboys want to see
70. John Stewart Green Lantern being shoehorned into continuity and is still one of the worst characters going - the era of the angry black man is long over, DC
71. Shitty superhero movies - Catwoman, Punisher, Elektra, Daredevil
72. Archie Comics poor treatment of creator Dan DeCarlo - shame, shame, shame!
73. The unfortunate legal tangle that is keeping the Adam West Batman series from arriving on DVD
74. The Marvel Superheroes not being on DVD
75. Series that take years to complete - Daredevil: Father, Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do, Daredevil: Target (still unfinished), Ultimate Wolverine Vs. Hulk (still unfinished)
76. The watered down icons (Superman, Batman, Spider-Man)
77. The lack of war comics
78. The current rash of zombie comics/covers
79. The lack of anthology comics (World's Finest, Adventure Comics, etc.)
80. The lack of try-out series (Showcase, Marvel Premiere, etc.)
81. The lack of reprints of Archie's superhero comics
82. Event tie-in books - most are just bad
83. Series that halt their storylines to tie-in to the current "event" book
84. Characters whose personalities take dramatic turns and have no explanation (Iron Man, Mister Fantastic, Professor X)
85. No JLA/JSA summer cross-overs
86. The exhorbitant prices of today's comics
87. The lack of teen-age sidekicks
88. Manga-style superheroes
89. The overexposure of the Punisher
90. The lack of captions in stories
91. Wonder Woman's invisble jet
92. Retroactive continuity inserted just for the sake of the current storyline
93. Unsigned cover art
94. The overexposure of Spider-Man
95. The lack of spinner racks
96. Parents suing store owners after buying adult material for their kids - most are bad parents anyway and just looking for free money
97. Speculators - yes, they are out there...
98. Wizard magazine
99. Marvel comics of the 1990's - pretty shitty stuff, guys
100. Comic shop employees/owners who are unfriendly, unclean and uncouth - you know who you are...
That's it for now...
Great Things...
I recently saw a this on another blog, and decided to do my own...
Here is my list of the 100 Greatest Things About Comics (in no particular order)
1. The Justice League of America (1960-1987 run)
2. The Justice Society of America
3. Wonder Woman
4. Roy Thomas
5. Gardner Fox
6. Julius Schwartz
7. All those wonderful Marvel titles from the 1970's (Amazing Adventures, Iron Fist, Hero for Hire, Warlock, Astonishing Adventures, etc.)
8. Stan Lee
9. Jack Kirby - the undisputed KING of Comics
10. Multiple earths (if you can't understand this concept, you should be reading Highlights Magazine, searching for the toaster in the tree...)
11. Claremont/Byrne/Austin run on the Uncanny X-Men
12. Dick Dillin - the unsung hero of the Justice League who drew more issues than any other artist with only a couple breaks for reprint issues, and a master storyteller.
13. Superman
14. Suicide Squad when written by John Ostrander
15. the Avengers - the first 200 issues were the absolute best, then it got kinda shitty
16. Marvel reprint titles - Marvel's Greatest Comics, Marvel Super-Heroes, Marvel Triple Action, Marvel Double Feature, etc.
17. DC Archives
18. Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew
19. Gerry Conway - especially his run on Justice League
20. Paul Levitz - especially his All-Star Comics run and his Legion of Super-Heroes masterpieces
21. George Perez - an artist all should aspire to be and one of the nicest professionals I have had the pleasure of meeting
22. Sheldon Mayer
23. Captain America
24. Golden Age comics (of which I have few, but desire more...)
25. All-Star Squadron
26. Infinity, Inc. (the original run written by Roy Thomas, before the Crisis and the series became a mish-mash of uninspired doo-doo)
27. Freedom Fighters (Golden Age heroes brought back to the present)
28. The Secret Society of Super-Villains (one of my all-time favorite titles)
29. Steve Englehart - his Avengers and Justice League runs are tops in my book
30. the Fantastic Four - though I don't currently read them, they set a precedent for family within the stricture of comics
31. the Overstreet Price Guide - I think it is based on lots of speculation, and some of its advisors are specious at best (Harley Yee and Chuck Rozanski), but it is chock-a-block full of fun info, nonetheless
32. Batman villains (Joker, Riddler, Two-Face, Catwoman, Scarecrow - even lesser lights such as Firefly, Killer Moth and Cluemaster - are always fun to see)
33. DC's 100 page super spectaculars
34. the 80 Page Giants
35. Lois Lane - perhaps the greatest female in comicdom - without powers
36. Gay characters - when done right, they make a true contribution to the diversity of the industry
37. Namor, the Sub-Mariner - the hottest anti-hero in the hottest costume - a simple pair of Speedos showcasing that rippling, muscular body
38. Green Lantern Hal Jordan - there have been many posers, but Hal will always be MY Green Lantern
39. Pseudo-science in DC comics in the Silver Age
40. Robin - the first sidekick
41. the Scarlet Witch
42. Marvel's plethora of characters introduced in the 1970's - Killraven, Ghost Rider, Werewolf by Night, Iron Fist, Deathlok, etc.
43. Treasury sized comics
44. DC's Digest series' from the late '70's
45. the Super Friends - the comic and cartoon
46. The Rogues' Gallery - Flash's fiercest foes united
47. Captain Marvel - Billy Batson
48. Zatanna
49. The New Teen Titans - NEVER in comics did Robin, Kid Flash and Aqualad look hotter than when drawn by George Perez - especially Dick Grayson in those short-shorts with those muscular legs - as a teenager I think I had pre-cum dripping every time I saw him.
50. Mary Jane Parker - sexuality personified
51. Geoff Johns - my current favorite writer
52. Alex Ross paintings
53. Blackhawk - an underused and abused character that should be given his due (and his crew as well)
54. Plastic Man - see Blackhawk above
55. Action Comics and Detective Comics - the granddaddies of the industry
56. EC Comics - keep the reprints coming!
57. Marvel Masterworks series
58. Marvel's continuity - sadly it's become a bad word, but I loved that the characters would meet and have adventures together. DC was never too keen on it, but today, NEITHER company will cross over unless it's for a major "event"
59. the Archie superheroes (the Fly, the Comet, Black Hood, the Web, etc.)
60. the smell of old pulp
61. The Defenders - from issue #1 to around #100, great stuff...
62. Silver Age artists - Gil Kane, Carmine Infantino, Dick Dillin, Bob Brown, Jack Kirby, Dick Ayers, Ramona Fradon, Nick Cardy, Neal Adams, Dick Giordano, Andru & Esposito, Steve Ditko, John Buscema, Sal Buscema, Dave Cockrum, Mike Grell, Don Heck, Don Perlin, Marie Severin, Herb Trimpe, Sam Glanzman, Joe Kubert, Jack Sparling, Joe Staton, etal. - they all deserve our respect and awe.
63. Dark Horse Archives reprint series - oddball stuff not seen in many a year...
64. Villainy, Inc. - bad to the bone bad girls
65. Fables
66. Crisis on Infinite Earths - a great, sweeping saga that started the whole "event" craze that continues to this day
67. Adventure Comics - fun, fun, fun, especially the Dollar issues
68. the Legion of Super-Heroes
69. Ka-Zar of the Savage Land - another of the, when properly done, hottest men in comics
70. the Hostess ads from the 1970's - Godawful but kitchy
71. She-Hulk
72. the first 200 issues of Amazing Spider-Man
73. DC's great characters of the Silver Age - B'wana Beast, Angel and the Ape, the Creeper, Anthro, Bomba the Jungle Boy, Hawk & Dove, Bat Lash, Cave Carson, Strange Sports Stories, Adam Strange, Captain Comet, Space Ranger, the Atomic Knights, Dolphin, etc.
74. Power Girl - a better Supergirl than Supergirl
75. Barbara Gordon - as either Batgirl or Oracle, she kicks ass no matter who she is...
76. The Joker
77. Thor
78. Wednesday's new comic day
79. DC's Warlord - when Mike Grell did this series in the 1970's, I creamed my pants every time I saw Travis Morgan in that skimpy little outfit, his muscles bulging
80. Tryout books - Showcase, Marvel Feature, Marvel Premiere, First Issue Special
81. The Brave and the Bold - Batman team-ups
82. Marvel Team-Up - Spider-Man team-ups
83. Marvel Two-In-One - the Thing team-ups
84. The great second-stringers - the Atom, Hawkman, Elongated Man, Quicksilver, the Vision, Moondragon, Hellcat, Snapper Carr and Rick Jones, the Wasp, Ant-Man/Giant-Man/Goliath/Yellowjacket, Hawkeye, Hawkgirl, Green Arrow, the Beast, Wonder Man, and so on...
85. Carmine Infantino
86. Murphy Anderson
87. Alter Ego magazine
88. the DC Universe
89. the Marvel Universe
90. Mad Magazine
91. Gail Simone
92. Ed Brubaker
93. Sgt. Rock
94. Nick Fury
95. Cosmic Boy - another hero I crushed on when I was a kid, he had a tough body revealed under the most riduculous costume but it served its purpose over 30 years ago...
96. Tarzan
97. The Squadron Supreme
98. The great house ads of the Silver Age in both Marvel and DC Comics
99. DC Comics Presents - Superman team-ups
100. Super-Team Family
That is it for now...
Here is my list of the 100 Greatest Things About Comics (in no particular order)
1. The Justice League of America (1960-1987 run)
2. The Justice Society of America
3. Wonder Woman
4. Roy Thomas
5. Gardner Fox
6. Julius Schwartz
7. All those wonderful Marvel titles from the 1970's (Amazing Adventures, Iron Fist, Hero for Hire, Warlock, Astonishing Adventures, etc.)
8. Stan Lee
9. Jack Kirby - the undisputed KING of Comics
10. Multiple earths (if you can't understand this concept, you should be reading Highlights Magazine, searching for the toaster in the tree...)
11. Claremont/Byrne/Austin run on the Uncanny X-Men
12. Dick Dillin - the unsung hero of the Justice League who drew more issues than any other artist with only a couple breaks for reprint issues, and a master storyteller.
13. Superman
14. Suicide Squad when written by John Ostrander
15. the Avengers - the first 200 issues were the absolute best, then it got kinda shitty
16. Marvel reprint titles - Marvel's Greatest Comics, Marvel Super-Heroes, Marvel Triple Action, Marvel Double Feature, etc.
17. DC Archives
18. Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew
19. Gerry Conway - especially his run on Justice League
20. Paul Levitz - especially his All-Star Comics run and his Legion of Super-Heroes masterpieces
21. George Perez - an artist all should aspire to be and one of the nicest professionals I have had the pleasure of meeting
22. Sheldon Mayer
23. Captain America
24. Golden Age comics (of which I have few, but desire more...)
25. All-Star Squadron
26. Infinity, Inc. (the original run written by Roy Thomas, before the Crisis and the series became a mish-mash of uninspired doo-doo)
27. Freedom Fighters (Golden Age heroes brought back to the present)
28. The Secret Society of Super-Villains (one of my all-time favorite titles)
29. Steve Englehart - his Avengers and Justice League runs are tops in my book
30. the Fantastic Four - though I don't currently read them, they set a precedent for family within the stricture of comics
31. the Overstreet Price Guide - I think it is based on lots of speculation, and some of its advisors are specious at best (Harley Yee and Chuck Rozanski), but it is chock-a-block full of fun info, nonetheless
32. Batman villains (Joker, Riddler, Two-Face, Catwoman, Scarecrow - even lesser lights such as Firefly, Killer Moth and Cluemaster - are always fun to see)
33. DC's 100 page super spectaculars
34. the 80 Page Giants
35. Lois Lane - perhaps the greatest female in comicdom - without powers
36. Gay characters - when done right, they make a true contribution to the diversity of the industry
37. Namor, the Sub-Mariner - the hottest anti-hero in the hottest costume - a simple pair of Speedos showcasing that rippling, muscular body
38. Green Lantern Hal Jordan - there have been many posers, but Hal will always be MY Green Lantern
39. Pseudo-science in DC comics in the Silver Age
40. Robin - the first sidekick
41. the Scarlet Witch
42. Marvel's plethora of characters introduced in the 1970's - Killraven, Ghost Rider, Werewolf by Night, Iron Fist, Deathlok, etc.
43. Treasury sized comics
44. DC's Digest series' from the late '70's
45. the Super Friends - the comic and cartoon
46. The Rogues' Gallery - Flash's fiercest foes united
47. Captain Marvel - Billy Batson
48. Zatanna
49. The New Teen Titans - NEVER in comics did Robin, Kid Flash and Aqualad look hotter than when drawn by George Perez - especially Dick Grayson in those short-shorts with those muscular legs - as a teenager I think I had pre-cum dripping every time I saw him.
50. Mary Jane Parker - sexuality personified
51. Geoff Johns - my current favorite writer
52. Alex Ross paintings
53. Blackhawk - an underused and abused character that should be given his due (and his crew as well)
54. Plastic Man - see Blackhawk above
55. Action Comics and Detective Comics - the granddaddies of the industry
56. EC Comics - keep the reprints coming!
57. Marvel Masterworks series
58. Marvel's continuity - sadly it's become a bad word, but I loved that the characters would meet and have adventures together. DC was never too keen on it, but today, NEITHER company will cross over unless it's for a major "event"
59. the Archie superheroes (the Fly, the Comet, Black Hood, the Web, etc.)
60. the smell of old pulp
61. The Defenders - from issue #1 to around #100, great stuff...
62. Silver Age artists - Gil Kane, Carmine Infantino, Dick Dillin, Bob Brown, Jack Kirby, Dick Ayers, Ramona Fradon, Nick Cardy, Neal Adams, Dick Giordano, Andru & Esposito, Steve Ditko, John Buscema, Sal Buscema, Dave Cockrum, Mike Grell, Don Heck, Don Perlin, Marie Severin, Herb Trimpe, Sam Glanzman, Joe Kubert, Jack Sparling, Joe Staton, etal. - they all deserve our respect and awe.
63. Dark Horse Archives reprint series - oddball stuff not seen in many a year...
64. Villainy, Inc. - bad to the bone bad girls
65. Fables
66. Crisis on Infinite Earths - a great, sweeping saga that started the whole "event" craze that continues to this day
67. Adventure Comics - fun, fun, fun, especially the Dollar issues
68. the Legion of Super-Heroes
69. Ka-Zar of the Savage Land - another of the, when properly done, hottest men in comics
70. the Hostess ads from the 1970's - Godawful but kitchy
71. She-Hulk
72. the first 200 issues of Amazing Spider-Man
73. DC's great characters of the Silver Age - B'wana Beast, Angel and the Ape, the Creeper, Anthro, Bomba the Jungle Boy, Hawk & Dove, Bat Lash, Cave Carson, Strange Sports Stories, Adam Strange, Captain Comet, Space Ranger, the Atomic Knights, Dolphin, etc.
74. Power Girl - a better Supergirl than Supergirl
75. Barbara Gordon - as either Batgirl or Oracle, she kicks ass no matter who she is...
76. The Joker
77. Thor
78. Wednesday's new comic day
79. DC's Warlord - when Mike Grell did this series in the 1970's, I creamed my pants every time I saw Travis Morgan in that skimpy little outfit, his muscles bulging
80. Tryout books - Showcase, Marvel Feature, Marvel Premiere, First Issue Special
81. The Brave and the Bold - Batman team-ups
82. Marvel Team-Up - Spider-Man team-ups
83. Marvel Two-In-One - the Thing team-ups
84. The great second-stringers - the Atom, Hawkman, Elongated Man, Quicksilver, the Vision, Moondragon, Hellcat, Snapper Carr and Rick Jones, the Wasp, Ant-Man/Giant-Man/Goliath/Yellowjacket, Hawkeye, Hawkgirl, Green Arrow, the Beast, Wonder Man, and so on...
85. Carmine Infantino
86. Murphy Anderson
87. Alter Ego magazine
88. the DC Universe
89. the Marvel Universe
90. Mad Magazine
91. Gail Simone
92. Ed Brubaker
93. Sgt. Rock
94. Nick Fury
95. Cosmic Boy - another hero I crushed on when I was a kid, he had a tough body revealed under the most riduculous costume but it served its purpose over 30 years ago...
96. Tarzan
97. The Squadron Supreme
98. The great house ads of the Silver Age in both Marvel and DC Comics
99. DC Comics Presents - Superman team-ups
100. Super-Team Family
That is it for now...
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Olympic Galled
What is up with the crybaby Olympians? So far, we have had a medalist throw his medal down and stomp off because he didn't win. Poor fucking baby. Boo hoo to you, you rotten spoilsport. The committee should have right then and there picked up the medal, called security, escorted the whiney spoilsport out of the country and banned him, his family and all descendents from ever participating in any future games.
Then, American tennis player James Blake basically accuses his opponent of cheating and lying, and causes a minor uproar. It surprises me that Blake did not use the race card, claiming that he didn't win because he's black. Poor, poor sportsmanship. And a black-eye (pun intended) on American players all around. Rotten tomatoes should be heaped upon this whining, spoiled brat of a person. And he should be banned from all sports for the rest of his piss-ant life.
Today, I see that Brit Ben Ainslie blames the Olympic committee for not having a breeze during his sailing race, resulting in his third place showing. Again, the smart thing to do would be to haul this sickening asswipe out of the water, confiscate his medals (every one he ever won), and send his ass back to England and ban him and his heirs from future participation in any sporting event worldwide.
The Olympics should be about sportsmanship, comraderie and the spirt of the game. These three paragons of poor sportsmanship should never be allowed to take part in any sporting event, unless it's a game of crying. Then, each would be vying for a gold medal.
Then, American tennis player James Blake basically accuses his opponent of cheating and lying, and causes a minor uproar. It surprises me that Blake did not use the race card, claiming that he didn't win because he's black. Poor, poor sportsmanship. And a black-eye (pun intended) on American players all around. Rotten tomatoes should be heaped upon this whining, spoiled brat of a person. And he should be banned from all sports for the rest of his piss-ant life.
Today, I see that Brit Ben Ainslie blames the Olympic committee for not having a breeze during his sailing race, resulting in his third place showing. Again, the smart thing to do would be to haul this sickening asswipe out of the water, confiscate his medals (every one he ever won), and send his ass back to England and ban him and his heirs from future participation in any sporting event worldwide.
The Olympics should be about sportsmanship, comraderie and the spirt of the game. These three paragons of poor sportsmanship should never be allowed to take part in any sporting event, unless it's a game of crying. Then, each would be vying for a gold medal.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Sue Happy Cruise
Tom Cruise will sue anyone - ANYONE - who asserts publicly that he is gay. Same as Liberace did nearly 50 years ago. The rumors have been flying about Tommy for over 20 years, and now that it has been confirmed that he posed seductively in softcore pics for a gay magazine many years ago, the wildfire speculation of his true sexuality is again running rampant. It seems that more and more people are coming to the conclusion that he IS gay, and that his marriage to Katie (My Career is in the Shitter) Holmes is along the same lines as the Claudia Schiffer/David Copperfield set-up from years ago - i.e. she has a contractual obligation to fill as his heterosexual mouthpiece and in the future, when the divorce is imminent, she will walk off with a substantial "thank-you" check. And besides, that mole-child she totes around like luggage is definitely not his. There is no resemblace whatsoever to him.
Anyway, before I stray...
I recently re-read some of the many court documents pertaining to Mr. Cruise's lawsuits against Chad Slater, who claimed he had an affair with the superstar. While Tommy never appeared in court, his battalion of legal eagles did all the wrangling for him. It was documented that Cruise did indeed hire gay porn stars - not just one, but many - over the course of his marriage to Nicole Kidman, to perform certain duties. Those mostly included wrestling, which is one of Cruise's favorite sports to participate in. His lawyers argued that Tommy chose these individuals, of which there were at least 10 named in the suit, and paid them handsomely (upwards of $40,000 for an evening of wrestling), since, as his lawyers claimed, hiring a personal trainer was not a good idea since Cruise was afraid of publicity. WHAT? So instead, he turned to the world of gay porn and paid these hunks who fucked for cash - and probably drugs - to wrestle him, so the publicity would not get out. According to the papers, Cruise paid cash, gave the guys cars, paid their rent, etc. Again, as his lawyers stated, it was strictly a business arrangement, and the porn stars were well taken care of. But, they didn't remain silent, and when Chad Slater went public, he was immediately slapped with a $100 million lawsuit for defamation of character. The lawsuit became big news, and eventually was settled with Slater later recanting every word, probably because Cruise's lawyers were leaning on him pretty heavily. However, Cruise lost his lawsuit against Slater's ex-wife, and was forced to pay her legal fees. She also claimed that her marriage broke up because of Cruise's affiar with her then-hubby. The judge asked his lawyers several times why Cruise didn't just hire a personal trainer like al the other celebrities, to which they claimed, again, that there was a possibility of the trainer going public with Cruise's workout routine.
So what does all this mean?
1.) Tom Cruise has paid many gay porn stars over the years to wrestle him because paying a licensed personal trainer was a guarantee of negative publicity.
2.) Tom Cruise will sue your ass if you even vaguely hint that he's a trouser hound.
3.) Tom Cruise MUST be straight because he has fathered a child (Remember, kids - his children with Nicole Kidman were ADOPTED. At the time of their marriage, she claimed she could never have children. Now she has one. SURPRISE! I long suspected that the reason they never had their own kids was contractual and he probably couldn't get his dinky up for a chick).
4.) Like Liberace, Tom Cruise is STRAIGHT!
5.) Tom Cruise will sue your ass if you even vaguely hint that he's a butt-pirating cockhound.
I do wonder if Cruise is simply so deeply closeted that he really has no concept of the reality and gravity of his actions. Scientology hates homosexuality, and even has a program that can turn a person straight, so maybe the cult has something to do with it. I don't know.
I do know that Tom is a weirdo- psycho- nutcase, and, like a mad dog, should be put down. The whole couch jumping thing on Oprah and his sham marriage to Joey from Dawson's Creek is just more and more proof that his grasp of reality is slipping. His film career is in the crapper, and, except for his hardcore Scientology buddies (Will Smith and Jada Whatever Her Name Is This Week), his friends have pretty much abandoned him. Except Oprah, who, it seems, is doing anything she can to help Tom tell the world that he is a hetero daddy and loves his darling wife. And he did try to make Katie look exactly like Victoria Beckham a while back with her new hairdo and clothes.
I see that Katie Holmes's first foray onto the Broadway stage is fraught with peril because Tommy-boy keeps making demands on the producers and directors (more lines, more stage time, less actors near her, etc.) and the production itself has gone into a tailspin, as Ms. Cruise shows up tired and unprepared, while Hubby Tom makes more and more unreasonable demands to promote his wifey in her new venture (her movie career has all but dried up. Christopher Nolan didn't want her back for the Dark Knight probably in anticipation of the meddling Tom would do while on the set). Since marrying Mr. I'm Not Gay, Holmes's asking price for a film has tumbled from upwards of $6 million to her begging to be in the Dark Knight at a salary of $200,000. Still, Nolan said "NO."
I guess I can anticipate a lawsuit from Cruise to be at my door any minute.
Or maybe we can wrestle...
Anyway, before I stray...
I recently re-read some of the many court documents pertaining to Mr. Cruise's lawsuits against Chad Slater, who claimed he had an affair with the superstar. While Tommy never appeared in court, his battalion of legal eagles did all the wrangling for him. It was documented that Cruise did indeed hire gay porn stars - not just one, but many - over the course of his marriage to Nicole Kidman, to perform certain duties. Those mostly included wrestling, which is one of Cruise's favorite sports to participate in. His lawyers argued that Tommy chose these individuals, of which there were at least 10 named in the suit, and paid them handsomely (upwards of $40,000 for an evening of wrestling), since, as his lawyers claimed, hiring a personal trainer was not a good idea since Cruise was afraid of publicity. WHAT? So instead, he turned to the world of gay porn and paid these hunks who fucked for cash - and probably drugs - to wrestle him, so the publicity would not get out. According to the papers, Cruise paid cash, gave the guys cars, paid their rent, etc. Again, as his lawyers stated, it was strictly a business arrangement, and the porn stars were well taken care of. But, they didn't remain silent, and when Chad Slater went public, he was immediately slapped with a $100 million lawsuit for defamation of character. The lawsuit became big news, and eventually was settled with Slater later recanting every word, probably because Cruise's lawyers were leaning on him pretty heavily. However, Cruise lost his lawsuit against Slater's ex-wife, and was forced to pay her legal fees. She also claimed that her marriage broke up because of Cruise's affiar with her then-hubby. The judge asked his lawyers several times why Cruise didn't just hire a personal trainer like al the other celebrities, to which they claimed, again, that there was a possibility of the trainer going public with Cruise's workout routine.
So what does all this mean?
1.) Tom Cruise has paid many gay porn stars over the years to wrestle him because paying a licensed personal trainer was a guarantee of negative publicity.
2.) Tom Cruise will sue your ass if you even vaguely hint that he's a trouser hound.
3.) Tom Cruise MUST be straight because he has fathered a child (Remember, kids - his children with Nicole Kidman were ADOPTED. At the time of their marriage, she claimed she could never have children. Now she has one. SURPRISE! I long suspected that the reason they never had their own kids was contractual and he probably couldn't get his dinky up for a chick).
4.) Like Liberace, Tom Cruise is STRAIGHT!
5.) Tom Cruise will sue your ass if you even vaguely hint that he's a butt-pirating cockhound.
I do wonder if Cruise is simply so deeply closeted that he really has no concept of the reality and gravity of his actions. Scientology hates homosexuality, and even has a program that can turn a person straight, so maybe the cult has something to do with it. I don't know.
I do know that Tom is a weirdo- psycho- nutcase, and, like a mad dog, should be put down. The whole couch jumping thing on Oprah and his sham marriage to Joey from Dawson's Creek is just more and more proof that his grasp of reality is slipping. His film career is in the crapper, and, except for his hardcore Scientology buddies (Will Smith and Jada Whatever Her Name Is This Week), his friends have pretty much abandoned him. Except Oprah, who, it seems, is doing anything she can to help Tom tell the world that he is a hetero daddy and loves his darling wife. And he did try to make Katie look exactly like Victoria Beckham a while back with her new hairdo and clothes.
I see that Katie Holmes's first foray onto the Broadway stage is fraught with peril because Tommy-boy keeps making demands on the producers and directors (more lines, more stage time, less actors near her, etc.) and the production itself has gone into a tailspin, as Ms. Cruise shows up tired and unprepared, while Hubby Tom makes more and more unreasonable demands to promote his wifey in her new venture (her movie career has all but dried up. Christopher Nolan didn't want her back for the Dark Knight probably in anticipation of the meddling Tom would do while on the set). Since marrying Mr. I'm Not Gay, Holmes's asking price for a film has tumbled from upwards of $6 million to her begging to be in the Dark Knight at a salary of $200,000. Still, Nolan said "NO."
I guess I can anticipate a lawsuit from Cruise to be at my door any minute.
Or maybe we can wrestle...
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Women Are Cunts
Recently, I have had the occasion of working with two women - one in her mid-30's, the other in her mid-40's - and both were experiences I would not wish on my worst enemy.
To wit:
Cunt #1 - Sheri H.: In February, I prepared the tax return for this Southwest flight attendant, Sheri H., who was upset that the IRS had issued her a letter stating she had not filed a 2006 return. We completed the return based on the paperwork she had provided, which conisted of a mish-mash of enveloped and assorted receipts and papers of which she had no idea. We then completed a 2007 tax return, again, based on the information she had readily available, which was a pile of dirty, messy, and completely disorganized. I charged the Cunt $300 for the two prepared returns ($150 per year), and she went on her way. During the process of this first meeting, she apologized numerous times for being late and for being disorganized due to having been partying the night before. She had no idea what papers/documents she had, nor if anything was missing or unaccounted for. I was relieved to be done with her.
Flash forward several weeks. Tax season is nearing an end, and Sheri calls screaming at the receptionist that she received a letter from the IRS that says she owes $1,700 for tax year 2006. She demanded to speak with me immediately, even though I was with another client. When I got on the phone, she shouted that I had "fucked up" her taxes and now she was in trouble with the government. I asked her to fax me the letter. She couldn't remember how to use her fax machine at home. I finally got the letter five days later, by fax, surprisingly. I called her and asked her if she had any documents relating to a stock transaction that had occurred in 2006. She said "no." She insisted that she did not own any stocks of any sort and that I had better fix this problem or she will have me arrested for falsifying her tax return. When I mentioned the name of the broker listed on the IRS letter, she stopped dead, calmed down and asked if she could bring her paperwork in again. I set aside an hour for her that coming Saturday, the last weekend before the end of filing season. She was over 30 minutes late, reeked of alcohol, and said she had been partying the night before. She put a three ring binder on my desk and said it was her papers for 2006, and wanted me to find the forms in dispute. She and I searched and couldn't come up with the documents. I asked her if she had a broker she could call, that perhaps the documents were lost in the mail. That is when she tells me that she had moved twice that year, and "forgot" to have her mail forwarded. Again, I asked if she had a broker, and she began to cry. She told me that her broker was her new brother-in-law, with whom she had "accidentally" had an affair, and now was at odds with her sister. I asked how one "accidentally" has an affair with one's sister's husband, and she sobbed louder and louder. She told me that since her sister was no longer speaking to her and in the process of divorcing, she wasn't going to call her soon-to-be ex-brother-in-law. I stressed how important getting these papers was to getting the IRS off her back. Amazingly, she had his number programmed into her cell phone and called him. Their conversation was uncomfortable, as she began to gush and coo over this guy on the phone. He said he had the documents in quesiton, but since she had no address, he never sent them. He faxed them over, we amended the 2006 return and Sheri ended up owing a whopping $76. She was so happy that she did not owe the larger amount, and left a happy camper.
Flash forward: Mid-June, I receive a registered letter from Sheri, two-pages, single-spaced, informing me that she wants her $300 refunded because I caused her undue heartache and stress having royally screwed up her tax return. She said in the letter that I had told her that I was leaving out information intentionally (complete fabrication), and that I had caused a bigger rift between her and her sister because of the phone call to the brother-in-law (how is that my fault?). She also sent copies of this letter to my immediate supervisor, who refunded her money without even asking me what had happened.
I ask you: Is Sheri H. a Cunt, or what?
Cunt #2 - Bo: In January of this year, I received a frantic phone call from a client who insisted she needed to see me right away. When she came in, she had a letter from the IRS about a mail-in audit - which she had received in August of 2007. They wanted to see receipts/records of the expenses she claimed on her 2005 return. I explained the situation to her, and asked her to gather the requested documents. I heard nothing from this Cunt until mid-March, when she received a new letter stating that she owed $3,700. When I asked her if she had sent the paperwork in, she said "no," that she was too busy.
Flsh forward: Mid-March, I meet with Bo, we complete her 2007 tax return and proceed to go over the new letter - which she had received in late-January, but was just now bringing to my attention. Again, I asked her to get the proper paperwork gathered. She had some random papers with her and I told her what else the IRS wanted. She said she would get back to me.
Flash forward: Two weeks after tax season ends, Bo calls. She got a new letter with a new balance due of $5,100. I asked if she ever sent the papers. "No." I told her that she needs to get right on this, or the penalties and interest will continue to accrue. She tells me that she is going to London on vacation (how convenient) and will get back to me when she returns.
Flash forward: July 2008, Bo calls. Now she has a letter from the IRS for $5,700 and is frantic. She blames the whole mess on me, saying that I neglected to follow up with her on the gathering of the papers/docuements, that she cannot understand why this is happening to her, and that the IRS is picking on her and I am not doing anything to defend her. I ask her to come in and bring the paperwork she had and we could go over it. Guess what? She was missing tons of documents! Surprise! And the letter that she got saying she now owed $5,700? It was dated May 28th. We met on July 21st.
Then the emails started, criticizing me for not being attentive to her IRS issue. I emailed her back that the gathering and maintaining of documentation is the responsibility of the taxpayer in the event of an audit. Still, she blamed me, and yesterday, I received 5 emails from her, going from angry and accusatory to plaintive and remorseful. My responses were terse and to the point. Get the paperwork requested by the IRS together and send it in. Period. End of conversation.
When I return to work on Wednesday, I wonder what new drama will be awaiting me.
Gee, I can't wait...
And that is why Women are Cunts.
Thank you and have a wonderful afternoon.
To wit:
Cunt #1 - Sheri H.: In February, I prepared the tax return for this Southwest flight attendant, Sheri H., who was upset that the IRS had issued her a letter stating she had not filed a 2006 return. We completed the return based on the paperwork she had provided, which conisted of a mish-mash of enveloped and assorted receipts and papers of which she had no idea. We then completed a 2007 tax return, again, based on the information she had readily available, which was a pile of dirty, messy, and completely disorganized. I charged the Cunt $300 for the two prepared returns ($150 per year), and she went on her way. During the process of this first meeting, she apologized numerous times for being late and for being disorganized due to having been partying the night before. She had no idea what papers/documents she had, nor if anything was missing or unaccounted for. I was relieved to be done with her.
Flash forward several weeks. Tax season is nearing an end, and Sheri calls screaming at the receptionist that she received a letter from the IRS that says she owes $1,700 for tax year 2006. She demanded to speak with me immediately, even though I was with another client. When I got on the phone, she shouted that I had "fucked up" her taxes and now she was in trouble with the government. I asked her to fax me the letter. She couldn't remember how to use her fax machine at home. I finally got the letter five days later, by fax, surprisingly. I called her and asked her if she had any documents relating to a stock transaction that had occurred in 2006. She said "no." She insisted that she did not own any stocks of any sort and that I had better fix this problem or she will have me arrested for falsifying her tax return. When I mentioned the name of the broker listed on the IRS letter, she stopped dead, calmed down and asked if she could bring her paperwork in again. I set aside an hour for her that coming Saturday, the last weekend before the end of filing season. She was over 30 minutes late, reeked of alcohol, and said she had been partying the night before. She put a three ring binder on my desk and said it was her papers for 2006, and wanted me to find the forms in dispute. She and I searched and couldn't come up with the documents. I asked her if she had a broker she could call, that perhaps the documents were lost in the mail. That is when she tells me that she had moved twice that year, and "forgot" to have her mail forwarded. Again, I asked if she had a broker, and she began to cry. She told me that her broker was her new brother-in-law, with whom she had "accidentally" had an affair, and now was at odds with her sister. I asked how one "accidentally" has an affair with one's sister's husband, and she sobbed louder and louder. She told me that since her sister was no longer speaking to her and in the process of divorcing, she wasn't going to call her soon-to-be ex-brother-in-law. I stressed how important getting these papers was to getting the IRS off her back. Amazingly, she had his number programmed into her cell phone and called him. Their conversation was uncomfortable, as she began to gush and coo over this guy on the phone. He said he had the documents in quesiton, but since she had no address, he never sent them. He faxed them over, we amended the 2006 return and Sheri ended up owing a whopping $76. She was so happy that she did not owe the larger amount, and left a happy camper.
Flash forward: Mid-June, I receive a registered letter from Sheri, two-pages, single-spaced, informing me that she wants her $300 refunded because I caused her undue heartache and stress having royally screwed up her tax return. She said in the letter that I had told her that I was leaving out information intentionally (complete fabrication), and that I had caused a bigger rift between her and her sister because of the phone call to the brother-in-law (how is that my fault?). She also sent copies of this letter to my immediate supervisor, who refunded her money without even asking me what had happened.
I ask you: Is Sheri H. a Cunt, or what?
Cunt #2 - Bo: In January of this year, I received a frantic phone call from a client who insisted she needed to see me right away. When she came in, she had a letter from the IRS about a mail-in audit - which she had received in August of 2007. They wanted to see receipts/records of the expenses she claimed on her 2005 return. I explained the situation to her, and asked her to gather the requested documents. I heard nothing from this Cunt until mid-March, when she received a new letter stating that she owed $3,700. When I asked her if she had sent the paperwork in, she said "no," that she was too busy.
Flsh forward: Mid-March, I meet with Bo, we complete her 2007 tax return and proceed to go over the new letter - which she had received in late-January, but was just now bringing to my attention. Again, I asked her to get the proper paperwork gathered. She had some random papers with her and I told her what else the IRS wanted. She said she would get back to me.
Flash forward: Two weeks after tax season ends, Bo calls. She got a new letter with a new balance due of $5,100. I asked if she ever sent the papers. "No." I told her that she needs to get right on this, or the penalties and interest will continue to accrue. She tells me that she is going to London on vacation (how convenient) and will get back to me when she returns.
Flash forward: July 2008, Bo calls. Now she has a letter from the IRS for $5,700 and is frantic. She blames the whole mess on me, saying that I neglected to follow up with her on the gathering of the papers/docuements, that she cannot understand why this is happening to her, and that the IRS is picking on her and I am not doing anything to defend her. I ask her to come in and bring the paperwork she had and we could go over it. Guess what? She was missing tons of documents! Surprise! And the letter that she got saying she now owed $5,700? It was dated May 28th. We met on July 21st.
Then the emails started, criticizing me for not being attentive to her IRS issue. I emailed her back that the gathering and maintaining of documentation is the responsibility of the taxpayer in the event of an audit. Still, she blamed me, and yesterday, I received 5 emails from her, going from angry and accusatory to plaintive and remorseful. My responses were terse and to the point. Get the paperwork requested by the IRS together and send it in. Period. End of conversation.
When I return to work on Wednesday, I wonder what new drama will be awaiting me.
Gee, I can't wait...
And that is why Women are Cunts.
Thank you and have a wonderful afternoon.
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