The "Go Away" List

Recently, my co-worker said he wanted nothing to do with Britney Spears and her new album, which took me by surprise, since he has been a hardcore fan from the beginning. He said that her personal antics and public humiliations have far outshone her art. This got me to thinking of others who have more ink in the gossip columns for their hi-jinks than for their artistic endeavors, and that these "celebrities" need to just go away. Henceforth, is my list (in no particular order) of these washed up artists:

• Madonna - Now over 50, she insists on parading around in public in fishnet stockings and a pink Member's Only jacket, schlepping her brood of miscolored kids around for the paparazzi to snap. And now that her very public divorce is finalizing, we get a glimpse of the true washed up hag that Madonna really is. For the better part of the past year she has been denying any involvement with Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod) the baseball player, yet in her divorce, she finally admitted to having a years long affair with him, and even made sure the paparazzo snapped pics of her white child Rocco wearing tons of New York Yankees clothes bought by A-Rod, right in the middle of the divorce. What a rotten mother you are, and a rotten person. You lied in public about something and denied it for months, and when the prospect of losing one penny of your vast fortune arose, you reiterated all that previous bullshit to save your own ass. I am surprised that George W. Bush didn't offer you a cabinet post, since clearly you are good at denial and lying to your fans. And what's with the rainbow of children. You have a white one, a brown one and a black one. You must soon be going for yellow...


• Lindsey Lohan - This little piece of shit is now more notorious in the tabloids than her film career has ever been. And now she's a lesbian. How very Anne Heche. And that girlfriend of hers, Samantha Ronson, looks like the last vestiges of her drug abuse are finally catching up with her. Lindsey couldn't even keep a job on the set of Ugly Betty, getting fired after only a few episodes. Stick to your new claim to fame, Lindsey: Keep other lesbians from dating the supremely fugley Samantha Ronson.


• Lauren Conrad and the cast of the Hills - a bunch of rich, bored kids with nothing to do but demean, debase and steal from each other. Spencer Pratt is a slimy disgusting creature who is all but hanging on Conrad for financial support. Have any of these degenerates ever worked for a living or has everything been handed to them by daddy and mummy? If any of them ever got out in the real world, they wouldn't last an hour. Go Away!


• Britney Spears - Recently, she told a British newspaper that she was dating the guy in her video "Womanizer." His name is Brandon Stoughton (sic?), and he is hot as fuck, but he's also a flaming homosexual. He is not interested in Britney in the least. And with all the other train wrecks that Brit has foisted upon us, it's no wonder she feels compelled to lie to the press to make herself look better. Who didn't see this coming?


• Michael Jackson - In and out of court and now sending creepy messages to Zac Efron. Telling Zac how much you like his movies, his hair and his eyes, and inviting him to visit you is just beyond creepy and sick. You are a pedophile, you sick son of a bitch! You got out of two trials because of your celebrity, but you didn't learn a thing did you? Next time you finger a child, you're going down, you filthy piece of plastic. Go Away Michael!


• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes - Now we find that Tommy has been writing bogus theater reviews of Katie in her stage debut, only that can't counter the otherwise dismal notices she is getting from real critics. And Tommy had her ousted from the set of Eli Stone, where Katie was supposed to make a several episode appearance, but was whittled down to one, since the producers couldn't stand for all the bullshit Tommy was throwing around on the set - demanding things and repositioning lights and shit. Tom Cruise is now a punchline for late night comedians and Katie Holmes is another actress with little to no future because of her stubby little husband. Guess all they can do is create more Stepford children like that butt-ugly Suri (who is NOT Cruise's child!)


• Amy Winehouse - For God's sake, why is this woman even allowed out in public? She is a drunken, drugged up mess. Put her in a jacket with sleeves that tie in the back and get her off the world stage before she finally dies of a massive drug overdose and falls on someone.


• Ellen Degeneres - After having the McCain's and the Bush daughters on her show, it is obvious that Ellen is not a true lesbian, and is subscribing to Republican ideals. By parading these types of guests on her show, and, in the case of the Bush's, crying on television because she can identify with the persecution their father is going through, is just a bogus attempt to secure more ratings. Ellen has become a shill for the RNC. Don't be surprised if she announces Sarah Palin as her new permanent co-host.


• Rosie O'Donnell - Having been off the air for a couple years now, Rosie has been very vocal when it comes to detailing her private life to anyone who would listen - and most people don't. She was fired from the View for being too militant lesbian, and has done nothing but complain and back stab anyone who she has ever worked with. Way to go, Rosie!


• The cast of Gossip Girl - Seems every time I turn around, one of these non-descript tweeners is in the press for one reason or another, either for their personal life, or to discuss the "issues" of the show. Chace Crawford has been dogged by rumors of his homosexuality for years before the show came on the air, and he seems to deny it as vehemently as Tom Cruise has done. The female members of the cast have all gone public with their fights on the set, and then kiss and make up in the press the very next day. I have watched the show once and will never do so again. It is horrible and sets a bad example for teens. Go Away!


• Halle Berry - A few years ago, she bitched about playing Storm in the X-Men films, yet she did it three times. She claimed that there are no good parts for black women in films and she has been demean